Q: So Bernard thank you for taking this interview. How are things going?
A: Great man. I just got a new house here in Minnesota. Bought me some bling. Check out these new earrings!
Q: Well despite the fact that this is a phone interview, yes those earrings are quite lovely. So Bernard, what do you think about analysts who say the Vikings overpaid for your services?
A: To be honest, I gotta agree. Only in America, man. No pro bowls. No thousand yard seasons. And 16 million garaunteed! Did ya see my earrings!!!
Q: So what are your plans for this season?
A: Good question. I plan on buying some new stuff. Maybe a dog fi- ... I mean a dog kennel like Mike Vick. Maybe some cool rims for my Escalade. You know, shiat like that.
Q: No, no, no. I mean what do you expect to do with the Vikings this season?
A: Oh, I plan on gettin' PAID, yo! I mean, 43 mil!?!
Q: No, I mean, are you still gonna underperform like you did in Chicago?
A: Without a DOUBT, son. I mean, all I have to do is cash my checks for the next two years. Get cut. And then it's another good payday!
Q: Wow, how do you sleep at night?
A: Awww man. On a big stack 'o money surrounded by beautiful women! Tell Chicago when Minnesota cuts me after year two I'm comin back to work my magic!!!
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