Maryland Sorority Girl Reacts to Bear's Draft

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this organization, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of scouting and interviewing college prospects. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking CLUELESS. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my coworkers this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you at Halas Hall to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and fans do not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to other scouts. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to them, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about building an organization through the draft, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not scout our prospects. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FANS DON'T LIKE BORING DRAFT PICKS. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: FANS ARE NOT GOING TO WANT TO WATCH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been really happy with our draft picks, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT COMBINE FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking STUPID at the combine (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's a ‘tweener?" or "durr we need to spend more time with Mike Glennon" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing teams on draft day. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A DRAFT? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the draft is going to make our fans happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING FANS. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you TRADE ME TO THE RAIDERS, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners in the war room or if you're a stupid shit that thinks J’Marcus Webb is a real football player, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S DRAFT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS ORGANIZATION. I would rather have 4 scouts that are fun, talk to prospects, and not fucking retarded than 80 that are fucking faggots. With that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our organization. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn Jerry Angelo at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're Phil Emery. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself. BEARDOWN YOU COCK-WALLETS!

Looking Back: 2010 Chicago Bears Draft

Most experts tell you that it takes 3 years to evaluate a draft. Normally, a Jerry Angelo draft it takes 30 seconds followed by copious amounts of alcohol to forget that he actually existed ... this is not one of those drafts:

Rnd    Pick    Name               Pos    School
3        75      Major Wright     DB    Florida      
4        109    Corey Wootton  DE    Northwestern      
5        141    Joshua Moore    DB    Kansas St.      
6        181    Dan LeFevour    QB    Central Michigan      
7        218    J'Marcus Webb  OT    West Texas A&M    

First overall and 3rd-round pick Major Wright struggled his first two seasons as a Bear often being called "Major Wrong" for his propensity to be out of position and liability in coverage; part of this can be attributed to the Bears continuously trying to take square-peg, Strong Safeties like Wright and force them into the gaping hole at Free Safety. But, as last year shows, Wright has solidified himself in the Bears secondary and began shoring up his deficiencies in the pass game. Wright still doesn't wrap the way I'd like to see ANY NFL defender do when making a tackle, but he's come a long way since those first two seasons.

Second overall and 4th-round pick Corey Wootton will be forever beloved in the NFL for knocking the complete shiat out of Brett Fav-ruh. Wootton has shown flashes as a rush end but now he is penciled in as the starting DE with the loss of Izzy Idonije to free agency. Wootton has tremendous upside but his ability to hold up against the run on a consistent basis is still a question mark.

Final pick J'Marcus Webb was a raw prospect taken in the 7th-round who had the size and athleticism to be a Left Tackle, someday. Unfortunately for Webb - and Jay Cutler - he was pressed into action as years of ignoring the O-line in drafts resulted in a mish-mash of poorly skilled blockers. Webb has had 3 maddening seasons with Chicago bouncing from Right to Left tackle while all the while consistently grading out just above Chris Williams and "Turnstyle at Gate B". With that being said, the Bears have gotten far more mileage from this 7th-round pick than any other in recent history with the exception of Mike Green.

Joshua Moore and Dan LeFevour both lasted a couple of seasons in the NFL but neither are in the league at this time. One of the issues - value versus need - was that LeFevour was chosen when you already had a still-new franchise QB that you paid for dearly. Taking him in the 6th round was a very good value pick that I agreed with; however, that doesn't necessarily mean it was a good pick. Chicago was in a "win it now" mentality and using one of your five picks on a project QB seemed like a waste of a pick especially when you they had a need at every offensive skill position.

With what he had to work with, this was actually one of Jerry Angelo's better drafts. You can scratch your head at the taking of a QB in the 6th round but 3 out of the 5 players taken have played their way into prominence (or infamy in the case of Webb). A rare B-grade for JA ... It still didn't save his job but we've seen the recaps of his other drafts.

Looking Back: 2009 Chicago Bears Draft

Most experts tell you that it takes 3 years to evaluate a draft. Most of these guys saved us the trouble and exited MUCH earlier:

3     68     Jarron Gilbert     DT    He can jump out of a pool and that's the extent of his talents.  Currently being trained at Sea World as he would never hurt a trainer or any living human being.
3     99     Juaquin Iglesias     WR     Couldn't play dead.  Another fine Angelo 3rd-round gem!
4     105     Henry Melton     DE     Melton has shown some flash after being moved to the inside.  It's taken a few years but he's starting to come on.
4    119     D.J. Moore     DB     Lots of mixed feelings on the young nickelback but I like Moore and think this was the best player taken this season which isn't high praise but ...
5     140     Johnny Knox     WR     Knox has shown great speed and straight line ability but he's a middle of the road NFL WR.  With the addition of Brandon Marshall in the offseason, this year is make-or-break for the kid out of Abilene Christian.
5     154     Marcus Freeman     LB     Currently washing cars with Mike Okwo and Dan Bazuin after not even making it out of camp
6     190     Al Afalava     DB     Another swing at miss at safety. Afalava never lived up to his hype and is out of the league.
7     246     Lance Louis     G     Talk about a guy who can't play dead. Amazingly he kept getting a chance.  Bears love their late-round BAD offensive lineman.
7     251     Derek Kinder     WR     Hard to expect a 7th-rounder to do much and he didn't.  Never made it out of camp.
   
So the best player in the 2009 draft was D.J. Moore.  Henry Melton has looked impressive now working on the inside and Knox is up in the air.  On a normal NFL-grading scale you would consider this a D+ draft. On the Jerry Angelo sliding-retard scale, I would give it two balloons and some sidewalk chalk.

Long Time

Well folks it's been a long time since I checked in but wanted to let everyone know that I'll be putting together the draft reactions from this year. I already sent out to my e-mail group and even posted to all like 4 people who follow me on twitter lol. Either way, if you're new to the site or actually check it around draft time, I didn't fall off the face of the Earth. I just haven't been keeping up with the Bears like I used to. Things change and now I want to get back to work.

With that said, my yearly "Second Guessing" article will be up tomorrow. I will also follow up with a look at the 2008 draft and other 2nd-guesses I have made. If anyone has ideas or inquiries feel free to hit me up at dachurch@gooutcheap.com.

Go Bears!

And a FUCKING QB in the 5th round knowing you only have 5 picks this year??? Jerry Angelo continues to be the most fucking ignorant GM not named Millen.

Looking Back: 2007 Chicago Bear Draft

Most experts tell you that it takes 3 years to evaluate a draft. Unforuntately for Jerry Angelo, this draft was easy to evaluate in 2008 but I waited the mandatory 3 years. Here comes the trainwreck:

1 31 Greg Olsen TE - Coming off his most productive season but at best a solid, pass-catching TE
2 62 Dan Bazuin DE - One season in NFL and gone
3 93 Garrett Wolfe RB - 3rd-string RB and special teams player
3 94 Michael Okwo LB - One season in the NFL and gone
4 130 Josh Beekman C - Heir apparent to Olin Kreutz but the jury is still out and will be for some time
5 167 Kevin Payne DB - Starting SS by default, liability in coverage and tackling
5 168 Corey Graham DB - Backup corner though has handled himself well when pressed into duty
7 221 Trumaine McBride DB - Non-factor who was cut after 3 seasons and currently trying to make the Arizona Cardinals
7 241 Aaron Brant G - Cut during first training camp and out of the league

Even with the pick of Olsen who still can't block and is a middle-tier tight end in the NFL, this was a fucking abomination. Usually when I grade something I try to give it a letter grade. So on a scale of A through F, I give this draft ... A BALLOON. Because it's FUCKING RETARDED.

Jerry Angelo Raises the Bar

1 2008 1 14 Chris Williams T CHI 0 0 0 Vanderbilt
2 2007 1 31 Greg Olsen TE CHI 2007 2007 0 0 0 14 39 391 2 Miami (FL)
3 2005 1 4 Cedric Benson RB CHI 2005 2007 0 0 1 35 420 1593 10 26 180 0 Texas
4 2004 1 14 Tommie Harris DT CHI 2004 2007 0 3 4 60 19.5 Oklahoma
5 2003 1 14 Michael Haynes DE CHI 2003 2005 0 0 0 42 1 5.5 Penn State
6 2003 1 22 Rex Grossman QB CHI 2003 2007 0 0 2 32 489 900 5907 31 33 52 76 1 1 -4 0 Florida
7 2002 1 29 Marc Colombo T CHI 2002 2007 0 0 2 55 Boston College
8 2001 1 8 David Terrell WR CHI 2001 2005 0 0 1 54 4 14 0 128 1602 9 Michigan

I mean for a GM who's seen more busts than Joe Francis, Jerry Angelo has really outdone himself. I mean, David Terrell(2001, 8th overall) was so bad he never started for anyone but Chicago and is out of the league. At least Terrell caught on with another team before being bounced from the league after a 4-year career in Chicago.

Then there was that double blockbuster of 2003 when Jerry boldly traded back to take Michael Haynes (14th overall) and Rex Grossman (22nd overall). Haynes managed to make it three years with Chicago, started 4 games, and was then bounced out of the league. Grossman, luckily for him, is with Chicago, the team that will keep you around indefinitely if you're a 1st-rounder and they can keep finding excuses for your lack of development.

Then of course, let us not forget Cedric "Two yards and a cloud of Bust" Benson (4th overall, 2005). Angelo sold this bag of shit as a "high character guy" and a "workhorse type back." After Benson proved both of which were false, he still was given the job as the starter despite showing neither talent nor desire. Thomas Jones was traded for a sack of magic beans after carrying the offense in the 2006 Superbowl run. Much like many oter first rounders of Angelo, Benson is enjoying his life with his millions and no NFL job.

But this season. THIS SEASON. Angelo raised even his bar. With everyone else in the NFL moving Chris Williams down their board because of injury concerns, Jerry Angelo used his 14th overall pick on Williams. Of course, Williams has already rewarded Chicago by making it through HALF A PRACTICE before needing surgery for that same back issue others were warned about.

Think about it. Michael Haynes actually needed 3 years to prove he was a bust and leave the NFL for good, never playing a meaningful down for any team except the Chicago Bears. But Chris Williams? He could actually set the record for being the biggest bust in Bear history by making it through only half a practice in his NFL history. His $9 million in garaunteed money, Williams could end up his career with a job that paid him about $1.5 million per minute he practiced!

Even Matt Millen has to tip his hat to such a colossal fuckup! Al Davis is green with envy (and possibly his lack of soul). Jerry Angelo you worthless bag of shit, please do everyone a favor and resign this position that you have spectacularly showed you cannot handle. Eat a bag of dicks you fucking hack!

Benson Gone, Enough Ced

Remember the tears that flowed down the face of Cedric Benson on draft day years ago? The media spun it that Benson was so overwhelmed with joy and emotion that he couldn't hold it back ... Of course, that's what we the fans were told. However, people in the know, well this is from David Haugh:

"Benson was bugged that Jerry Angelo decided to draft him despite Benson's representatives making clear in a last-minute phone call that they and the Bears weren't on the same page regarding fundamental contract demands.
Benson was so filled with fury and frustration over the contentious contract battle he knew awaited him, one that eventually led to a 36-day holdout, that he couldn't fight back the tears rolling down his cheek."

Yes, folks, as if we didn't know Cedric Benson was a douchebag, head-case who was blessed with too many dollars and too little sense ... we also learned that Jerry Angelo was just as complicit in this as Benson. Angelo - through all the talk of "character guys" knew this guy was all about the money from the word GO and yet still wasted our 4th overall pick, millions of dollars, and countless second-chances on a guy who didn't want to be a Bear and spent his entire time being a malcontent more interested in running to the bank than running the ball.

Cedric Benson will go down as one of the all-time busts in Bear history, but it will also be a cautionary tale for every GM out there. The question continues to be how much longer can we watch Jerry Angelo make mistake after mistake and run these drafts into the ground. One offensive player Jerry and I mean one who PLAYS OFFENSE not a player like Benson who's simply OFFENSIVE.

Quick Slants

Cedric Benson (aka Drinky McTwo-yards) was arrested last week on Drunk Boating charges. Benson uttered these cryptic words saying "once again I'll rise to the occassion." Whether that "occassion" will be another drunken foray on his boat or getting out of bed to collect his oversized paycheck, I'm unsure at this time.

Speaking of dumbass things to say, Jerry Angelo (when talking about the Benson situation) stated:''It was a lapse in judgment." And if anyone should know about a "lapse in judgement" it would be a general manager who spent a 4th overall pick and millions of dollars on a guy with character issues, no work ethic, a lack of heart that would make the tin-man faint, and no discernible skills either socially or athletically.

As it came as no surprise to anyone, Adam Archuleta was cut on May 6th. Archuleta set the plight of white safeties back 20 years after signing the largest free-agent contract in NFL history at the position. In yet another brilliant defensive move by Lovie Smith, he lobbied for Archuleta just like when Archuleta was ready to sign that huge deal. This experiment turned out with the same success that has been met with firing Ron Rivera to let Bob Babich take over at defensive coordinator and letting Chris Harris go for a sack of magic beans.

Rookies say the darndest things: No, I'm not talking about 4 years ago when Cedric Benson said he'd be starting in place of Thomas Jones by week two ....we've all seen how that really unfolded. No, I am talking about 2nd-round pick RB Matt Forte who had this to say, "The quickest way to get on the field is to learn your pass protections. If you can block and protect the quarterback, then you can run your routes and catch the ball. It's really the fastest way to get on the field." You mean falling down at the initial point of attack after 2-yards isn't your primary responsibility on 3rd-down? Poor deluded kid, he'll catch on.

Brian Urlacher is at it again predicting he will sit out during mini-camp in protest of Chicago management not meeting his latest contract demands. The Bears offered an $18 million extension but Urlacher deemed it way too little. This from Ochy McBabyMamaDrama, the same guy who's skipped all voluntary workouts this offseason to lose out on a $50,000 workout bonus. In unrelated news, I am looking forward to my $900 tax stimulus check to help pay some of my son's $2,100 tuition for this year. Douchebag.

Robbie Gould finally got his contract extension making him the highest paid kicker in the NFL. Not bad for a guy who was working construction just a few years ago. Last seen, Joe Pa was doing Gould's yard work wearing an "I'm Robbie Gould's Bitch" t-shirt.