NB: Jay? What's going on you fuck suck! It's me, Capt. fucking comeback neckbeard motherfucker!!!
JC: Hey Kyle (sulking) ... Stuff sucks. You see the game?
NB: Oh did I? I kept rubbig my taint on the fucking tv! I used to ass-rape those packer fags, guess you don't have the gun I got. Did you see my td to win it?
JC: Yeah that was really good. Stokley really is a good receiver.
NB: Stokley!? Are you shiatting me? That was capt. neckbeard ... I fucking threw that 25 yard bomb man, I've never seen a pass so pretty! Fucking just like I drew it up ... Let it hang in the air for a good 25-30 seconds and get tipped to the white guy. FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
JC: Well good call Kyle. Way to go. (cuts himself)
NB: You're damn right. That's the way I roll ... The neckbeard knows how the fuck to win a game. Lull them to sleep with the 5 yared passes and then BOOOMMMM MOTHERFUCKERS here's a 25 yarder! You didn't expect that did ya biatches!!! I can float it like a fucking A & W!!! Ain't nobody but my receivers are expecting the 25 yard hot air balloon!!! (swigs half a bottle of Jack, tongue kisses solid 5 of 10 scale skank)
JC: (takes big scoop of Ben and Jerry's Hubby Hubby)
NB: So ... you're just gonna sit there and eat ice cream and sulk aren't ya?
JC: (swallows hard) no.
NB: Bullshit. C'mon Jay you gotta get with the Neckbeard philosophy. You know what that is?
JC: Um ... drink lots of Jack Daniels and fuck nothing but skanks?
NB: SEE! YOU SEE MOTHERFUCKER!! You WERE listening! Buck up sulker and put down the Ben and Jerry's. Go out fuck a skank. Drink some jack and remember ...
JC: Yeah, yeah I know. Rex Grossman's a cock fuck.
NB: HAHA, you're my boy Jay (chugs rest of Jack, flashes cock to three-toothed 40-year old at end of bar) Talk to ya next week sulk boy!!
Showing posts with label Capt. Neckbeard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Capt. Neckbeard. Show all posts
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Saturday, August 30, 2008
The Final 53?
Chicago has finished their preseason and the final 53 is in. Some disappointments and some questions still abound. Here are my thoughts:
Caleb Hanie is IN!!!! Our young QB who has looked like the best option we've had in my 33 years as a fan made the final roster. Hanie is the future of this team whether it's 2009 or 2010. Congrats to the undrafted rookie who has rejuvenated Chicago fans hope for what we've been missing: a true NFL quarterback with all of the skills needed to lead this team to our next championship!
Mark Bradley survives at the expense of Brandon Rideua. Bradly had better catch 50 passes this season for at least 3 TD's before I even begin to believe in this choice. Rideau will catch on somewhere else as each year he's become better and better. Good luck Brandon.
Last year's 2nd and 3rd round picks (Bazuin and Okwo) were sent packing. Good call on cutting them but WHAT THE FUCK were they drafted for in the first place? Both were reaches and now both are colossal busts as far as Chicago is concerned.
We have a shaky offensive line and only two backups: career journeyman Metcalf and newcomer Barton. Barton looks like he can play but Metcalf has NEVER been the answer no matter what the question is. Chicago will have to make a play on another offensive lineman with Chris Williams taking up a roster spot. This could hurt Hanie or - with hope - Bradley.
Toeaina makes the final 53 man squad and for good reason. This kid outplayed everyone when given the chance last season and with Harris and Dvoracek's injury history he provides a solid backup and - in a pinch - starter.
Wolfe survives and too be honest I do not see how. AP is the most versatile RB on the Bears (and one of my favorites) but Wolfe is actually the 3rd best option in the return game and does not contribute anywhere else except scat back. He's another one that should not get too comfortable unless he can show some of his collegiate form but he's looking more and more like a poor man's Reggie Bush.
We'll start the season with Payne at safety and I have no idea why he's better than McGowan. McGowan was everywhere on the field every time he was out there and Payne did not impress me. For now, I'll write this off as being an uninformed fan.
McBride was an absolute surprise last season as a 7th-rounder who contributed and came out as a future starter ... this preseason he looks lost. I am hoping he can revert to form but if not ... see the above comments on guys who could be on the outside looking in.
Orton takes over the starting spot as I predicted. Now, let's see if he can lead this offense. I like what I've seen thus far.
How long will it be before KJ overtakes Forte for the starting RB job? I absolutely loved Jones coming out of Va Tech and Forte looks strong but Jones is a game breaker. Hopefully we can have a nice mix of the two this year but I think - if healthy - Jones will relegate Forte to the backup role.
I have recently thrown my hat into the ring for GM of Chicago. I will run with Creighton (see the suntimes and trib message boards) on the platform of AT LEAST WE'RE NOT JERRY FUCKING ANGELO!!! ... I like our chances!
Caleb Hanie is IN!!!! Our young QB who has looked like the best option we've had in my 33 years as a fan made the final roster. Hanie is the future of this team whether it's 2009 or 2010. Congrats to the undrafted rookie who has rejuvenated Chicago fans hope for what we've been missing: a true NFL quarterback with all of the skills needed to lead this team to our next championship!
Mark Bradley survives at the expense of Brandon Rideua. Bradly had better catch 50 passes this season for at least 3 TD's before I even begin to believe in this choice. Rideau will catch on somewhere else as each year he's become better and better. Good luck Brandon.
Last year's 2nd and 3rd round picks (Bazuin and Okwo) were sent packing. Good call on cutting them but WHAT THE FUCK were they drafted for in the first place? Both were reaches and now both are colossal busts as far as Chicago is concerned.
We have a shaky offensive line and only two backups: career journeyman Metcalf and newcomer Barton. Barton looks like he can play but Metcalf has NEVER been the answer no matter what the question is. Chicago will have to make a play on another offensive lineman with Chris Williams taking up a roster spot. This could hurt Hanie or - with hope - Bradley.
Toeaina makes the final 53 man squad and for good reason. This kid outplayed everyone when given the chance last season and with Harris and Dvoracek's injury history he provides a solid backup and - in a pinch - starter.
Wolfe survives and too be honest I do not see how. AP is the most versatile RB on the Bears (and one of my favorites) but Wolfe is actually the 3rd best option in the return game and does not contribute anywhere else except scat back. He's another one that should not get too comfortable unless he can show some of his collegiate form but he's looking more and more like a poor man's Reggie Bush.
We'll start the season with Payne at safety and I have no idea why he's better than McGowan. McGowan was everywhere on the field every time he was out there and Payne did not impress me. For now, I'll write this off as being an uninformed fan.
McBride was an absolute surprise last season as a 7th-rounder who contributed and came out as a future starter ... this preseason he looks lost. I am hoping he can revert to form but if not ... see the above comments on guys who could be on the outside looking in.
Orton takes over the starting spot as I predicted. Now, let's see if he can lead this offense. I like what I've seen thus far.
How long will it be before KJ overtakes Forte for the starting RB job? I absolutely loved Jones coming out of Va Tech and Forte looks strong but Jones is a game breaker. Hopefully we can have a nice mix of the two this year but I think - if healthy - Jones will relegate Forte to the backup role.
I have recently thrown my hat into the ring for GM of Chicago. I will run with Creighton (see the suntimes and trib message boards) on the platform of AT LEAST WE'RE NOT JERRY FUCKING ANGELO!!! ... I like our chances!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Questions from Around the Web
Who do you think is going to be the Bears' biggest competition to win the NFC North?
If by competition you mean "hinderance" I would say the frontrunner is Jerry Angelo followed closely by Lovie Smith. If you mean which team, I'd have to say all of them and none of them. They also are their own worst enemies: If the porn-stachio'd Aaron Rodgers can't cut muster in his first year as a starter, Green Bay will fold like a lawn chair. They were already decimated in the NFC title game and will have a long road back. In Minnesota (who beat Chicago twice last year), they have Purple Jesus, some big-name free agents, and a quarterback who makes Henry Burris look good. In Detroit, two words: Matt Fucking Clueless Millen.
Now that you have seen the Bears draft and their 2008 roster, what positions do you view as being the strongest and weakest in terms of personnel?
Offense and Defensive Coordinator = weak. General management = weak. Coaching = below average. The tight end, defensive end, and cornerback positions are rock solid. In general though the team is weak until further information comes in. Who's going to play safety? Can Urlacher's back hold up? Can Tommie Harris stay healthy and can someone actually start next to him? Who's going to man the o-line this year? Can Matt Forte make it at this level because we all know Drinky McTwo-yards cannot. Who's going to catch the ball and who the hell will be throwing it? My money is on Capt. Neckbeard over the Sex Cannon but I guess we'll see.
Do you think the Bears will go with one of the two undrafted rookies they recently signed as their third quarterback this season or will they try to add a veteran that's cut by another team?
The problem is there are really no good veterans worth adding at #3 even. If they wanted a veteran, they should have signed one early in the offseason and made a 3-way competition heading into camp. No, I believe Caleb Hanie will be the #3 heading into this season.
Cedric Benson was arrested and charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest. What should the Bears do?
The Bears are going to move Drinky McTwo-yards into a houseboat off Lake Michigan. On game days, Benson will have his choice of alcohols before and during the game. Sure playing drunk may have it's disadvantages but apparently the key to getting Benson to "resist" anything (aside from his inability to "resist" falling down) can't be all bad. Who knows, maybe we'll get to see him break a tackle for the first time in his 5 year career.
If by competition you mean "hinderance" I would say the frontrunner is Jerry Angelo followed closely by Lovie Smith. If you mean which team, I'd have to say all of them and none of them. They also are their own worst enemies: If the porn-stachio'd Aaron Rodgers can't cut muster in his first year as a starter, Green Bay will fold like a lawn chair. They were already decimated in the NFC title game and will have a long road back. In Minnesota (who beat Chicago twice last year), they have Purple Jesus, some big-name free agents, and a quarterback who makes Henry Burris look good. In Detroit, two words: Matt Fucking Clueless Millen.
Now that you have seen the Bears draft and their 2008 roster, what positions do you view as being the strongest and weakest in terms of personnel?
Offense and Defensive Coordinator = weak. General management = weak. Coaching = below average. The tight end, defensive end, and cornerback positions are rock solid. In general though the team is weak until further information comes in. Who's going to play safety? Can Urlacher's back hold up? Can Tommie Harris stay healthy and can someone actually start next to him? Who's going to man the o-line this year? Can Matt Forte make it at this level because we all know Drinky McTwo-yards cannot. Who's going to catch the ball and who the hell will be throwing it? My money is on Capt. Neckbeard over the Sex Cannon but I guess we'll see.
Do you think the Bears will go with one of the two undrafted rookies they recently signed as their third quarterback this season or will they try to add a veteran that's cut by another team?
The problem is there are really no good veterans worth adding at #3 even. If they wanted a veteran, they should have signed one early in the offseason and made a 3-way competition heading into camp. No, I believe Caleb Hanie will be the #3 heading into this season.
Cedric Benson was arrested and charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest. What should the Bears do?
The Bears are going to move Drinky McTwo-yards into a houseboat off Lake Michigan. On game days, Benson will have his choice of alcohols before and during the game. Sure playing drunk may have it's disadvantages but apparently the key to getting Benson to "resist" anything (aside from his inability to "resist" falling down) can't be all bad. Who knows, maybe we'll get to see him break a tackle for the first time in his 5 year career.
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