Thoughts after 3 weeks

Where is Kevin Jones? We are going to wear out Forte at this rate. He's good but damn let's not turn him into Eddie George (a great RB who finally wore down).

Matt Millen has been fired only 6 years too late. This is great news for the Lions but bad news for the Bears as the joke from up north may actually find someone competent and how hard could it be to find someone better than Jerry Angelo?

Brandon Lloyd is looking good at the top spot on the wide receiver ... the problem is who the hell is going to step up at the #2? It sure as fuck isn't Rashied Davis.

We sent Mark Bradley packing and picked up a CB? What the fuck? Hey, I thought Bradley was going to be axed before week 1 but I thought it would be for Brandon Rideau. We have no #2 or #3 so what the hell is the kid doing on our practice squad ... give him a fucking chance!

Could we please quit passing the ball to Jason McKie and get Greg Olsen and Desmond Clark more involved? Olsen had a HORRENDOUS game in Week 2 but we have to move passed that. He and Clark should be leading this team in catches because a creative offensive coordinator should be using these guys to get mismatches.

Devin Hester returns this week and not a moment too soon. I was holding my breath every time Nate Vasher was sent back to return punts. He is much too valuable a CB to expose him to punt return duties.

Speaking of What the fuck ... I'm looking at you Peanut Tillman. You are a veteran and got baited into a fight by some lackluster wide out who is lucky to be even on the field. Fucking stupid.

Kyle Orton, you are no longer allowed to check out of a run on 3rd and short. You have a battering ram of a running back in Matt Forte so just give him the damn ball!

Could Mark Anderson be any more of a one-year wonder? Actually that entire d-line needs to get their shit together. Brian Griese throws 67 times and isn't sacked ... that is just plain horrible.

Chris Williams is back to practice and is "on no time table" to get on the playing field. I'm still waiting for him to get injured during a non-contact practice ... AGAIN; great pick, Jerry.

Bob Babich, it's time to update your resume. This defense hasn't been right since that meltdown of all meltdowns against Detroit last season. It's not working, bring in a REAL defensive coordinator!

Bear Report Week 1: Chicago 29, Indy 13

Chicago dominated the Colts on Sunday night at the new Lucas Oil Field in Indianapolis. Considering oil companies have been fucking all of us six ways to Sunday, it was nice to see Chicago extract a little payback.

Peyton Manning, fresh off two knee surgeries in which his knee became infected - possibly from gay homosexual buttsecks (that's the DCODC unofficial word) - was ineffective in his fist start since last season. Manning showed rust and had his timing and rhythm upset all night from constant pressure up the middle by Chicago.

Speaking of pressure, it was reported that during the game, Rex Grossman tried to buy some nachos but put on the spot when asked "Cheese or Salsa?" he panicked, ran backwards 15 yards, fell down and strained his MCL.

Capatain Neckbeard guided the offense well but it was rookie RB Matt Forte who stole the show. On a 3rd and 6 at midfield, Forte made a cut and then out ran defensive player of the year Bob Sanders enroute to a 51-yard TD scamper. Welcome to the NFL Matt Forte!

In a related story, Cedric Benson saw the play and exclaimed "I can do that", stepped off his bar stool, slipped on the floor, and knocked himself out. He's expected to miss his shuffleboard league for the next 4-6 weeks recovering.

All of the preseason hand-wringing - for now - seems to be much ado about nothing. The starting defensive unit looked like the 2006 Bears as they outplayed, out-muscled, and generally dominated a Colt offense generally considered one of the best in the NFL. DE Adawale Ogunleye spent so much time in the Colts's backfield, at one point Manning mistakenly called for him to run a go-route ... probably the pain killers Peyton was on.

Greg Olsen and Desmond Clark looked like the best tandem of TEs in the league making big plays when called upon. The two are favorite targets of Kyle Orton and with good reason. With an average to below average receiving corp, these guys make everyone around them better ... especially their QB!

Talking heads around the league have already dismissed this as a fluke, an Indy implosion, Peyton Manning not ready, Bigfoot, cats and dogs living together ... and blah, blah, fricking blah. HOWEVER, the douchebag of the week award goes to:

CBS Sportsline Gregg (the extra G is for GAY!) Doyel who is such a student of the NFL and often referred to as the Dali Lama of the NFL (or was that the Jay Mariotti of Doucheville, I forget) when he pronounced without a doubt:
"I'm not sure what to make of the 2008 Chicago Bears, but I'm sure of this: They're not good enough to beat the Indianapolis Colts 29-13. Not in Chicago, and definitely not in Indianapolis. Not at brand new Lucas Oil Stadium or the forsaken RCA Dome or the even skanky patch of urban blight located between the two domes."

Gee Gregg, you're right! We should petition the league to have this game stricken from the record books. Have this blight on the NFL and this injustice to humanity white-washed. Cut the fingers from our scribes and cut the tongues out of our orators so such a game shall NEVER be remembered ... or we could just call it an Indy beat-down at the hands of a Chicago team that may be better than everyone expected and move on. But of course, you can't be the new Mariotti without whipping on the Bears, right Gregg?

The Final 53?

Chicago has finished their preseason and the final 53 is in. Some disappointments and some questions still abound. Here are my thoughts:

Caleb Hanie is IN!!!! Our young QB who has looked like the best option we've had in my 33 years as a fan made the final roster. Hanie is the future of this team whether it's 2009 or 2010. Congrats to the undrafted rookie who has rejuvenated Chicago fans hope for what we've been missing: a true NFL quarterback with all of the skills needed to lead this team to our next championship!

Mark Bradley survives at the expense of Brandon Rideua. Bradly had better catch 50 passes this season for at least 3 TD's before I even begin to believe in this choice. Rideau will catch on somewhere else as each year he's become better and better. Good luck Brandon.

Last year's 2nd and 3rd round picks (Bazuin and Okwo) were sent packing. Good call on cutting them but WHAT THE FUCK were they drafted for in the first place? Both were reaches and now both are colossal busts as far as Chicago is concerned.

We have a shaky offensive line and only two backups: career journeyman Metcalf and newcomer Barton. Barton looks like he can play but Metcalf has NEVER been the answer no matter what the question is. Chicago will have to make a play on another offensive lineman with Chris Williams taking up a roster spot. This could hurt Hanie or - with hope - Bradley.

Toeaina makes the final 53 man squad and for good reason. This kid outplayed everyone when given the chance last season and with Harris and Dvoracek's injury history he provides a solid backup and - in a pinch - starter.

Wolfe survives and too be honest I do not see how. AP is the most versatile RB on the Bears (and one of my favorites) but Wolfe is actually the 3rd best option in the return game and does not contribute anywhere else except scat back. He's another one that should not get too comfortable unless he can show some of his collegiate form but he's looking more and more like a poor man's Reggie Bush.

We'll start the season with Payne at safety and I have no idea why he's better than McGowan. McGowan was everywhere on the field every time he was out there and Payne did not impress me. For now, I'll write this off as being an uninformed fan.

McBride was an absolute surprise last season as a 7th-rounder who contributed and came out as a future starter ... this preseason he looks lost. I am hoping he can revert to form but if not ... see the above comments on guys who could be on the outside looking in.

Orton takes over the starting spot as I predicted. Now, let's see if he can lead this offense. I like what I've seen thus far.

How long will it be before KJ overtakes Forte for the starting RB job? I absolutely loved Jones coming out of Va Tech and Forte looks strong but Jones is a game breaker. Hopefully we can have a nice mix of the two this year but I think - if healthy - Jones will relegate Forte to the backup role.

I have recently thrown my hat into the ring for GM of Chicago. I will run with Creighton (see the suntimes and trib message boards) on the platform of AT LEAST WE'RE NOT JERRY FUCKING ANGELO!!! ... I like our chances!

Preaseason Game #1: Notes

I meant to post these the day after the game, but a flooded basement and the headaches that come with it got in the way. Here's my stream of consciousness as I watched the first game of the preseason:

Brandon McGowan is a stud ... 3rd down and long play McGowan separated receiver from ball but no one caught it. The missed call lead to the opening drive touchdown.

Trumain McBride looks absolutely terrible. I mean FUCKING terrible. He has regressed badly since last season.

Matt Forte looks ok ... Definite upgrade the way he hits the hole and sheds people. He also doesn't fall down after 2 yards so Jerry Angelo will probably try and trade him soon.

Grossman is Grossman ... Orton is safe but never going to be an all-star.

The d-line was consistently beat off the line in that first drive ... They recovered later but only showed some flashes. Including Mark Anderson putting good pressure on the QB in at least two occassions.

Rookie Marcus(?) Harrison looked good, but will he be consistent? And will he behave off the field?

Big fucking surprise, we wasted a pick on Chris Williams and his disc injury (more to follow in an article later) ... Rashard Mendenhall anyone?

Garret Wolfe made a statement that he belongs in the NFL ... He's got many detractors but you cannot dismiss his big play ability even though he's a gadget player.

Return guys were unimpressive .. no one can match Hester ,... Wolfe was drafted with that idea so let's use him when we're keeping Devin Hester safe.

Mike Hass once again showed why fans are clamoring for him making another great catch on a tough throw ... He later makes an uncharacteristic drop.

Hanie showed some feet when the play breaks down ... A mobile QB with good pocket awareness in Chicago is as rare as a good M. Night Shyamalan film.

PJ Pope continues to be a preseason rockstar ... why not give him a chance?

Rookie QB Caleb Hanie shows off some touch and some arm with a pass to fellow rookie Kellen Davis and follows up with a gun to to Brandon Rideau for the TD.

Rookie Zack Bowman with a good hit on kickoff return submarining the Chiefs returner.

3rd and short with a QB Hanie who is on fire and Bears run a FB ... Is that the coaches desperate effort to not add Hanie to the QB competition?

Questions from Around the Web

Who do you think is going to be the Bears' biggest competition to win the NFC North?
If by competition you mean "hinderance" I would say the frontrunner is Jerry Angelo followed closely by Lovie Smith. If you mean which team, I'd have to say all of them and none of them. They also are their own worst enemies: If the porn-stachio'd Aaron Rodgers can't cut muster in his first year as a starter, Green Bay will fold like a lawn chair. They were already decimated in the NFC title game and will have a long road back. In Minnesota (who beat Chicago twice last year), they have Purple Jesus, some big-name free agents, and a quarterback who makes Henry Burris look good. In Detroit, two words: Matt Fucking Clueless Millen.

Now that you have seen the Bears draft and their 2008 roster, what positions do you view as being the strongest and weakest in terms of personnel?
Offense and Defensive Coordinator = weak. General management = weak. Coaching = below average. The tight end, defensive end, and cornerback positions are rock solid. In general though the team is weak until further information comes in. Who's going to play safety? Can Urlacher's back hold up? Can Tommie Harris stay healthy and can someone actually start next to him? Who's going to man the o-line this year? Can Matt Forte make it at this level because we all know Drinky McTwo-yards cannot. Who's going to catch the ball and who the hell will be throwing it? My money is on Capt. Neckbeard over the Sex Cannon but I guess we'll see.

Do you think the Bears will go with one of the two undrafted rookies they recently signed as their third quarterback this season or will they try to add a veteran that's cut by another team?
The problem is there are really no good veterans worth adding at #3 even. If they wanted a veteran, they should have signed one early in the offseason and made a 3-way competition heading into camp. No, I believe Caleb Hanie will be the #3 heading into this season.

Cedric Benson was arrested and charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest. What should the Bears do?
The Bears are going to move Drinky McTwo-yards into a houseboat off Lake Michigan. On game days, Benson will have his choice of alcohols before and during the game. Sure playing drunk may have it's disadvantages but apparently the key to getting Benson to "resist" anything (aside from his inability to "resist" falling down) can't be all bad. Who knows, maybe we'll get to see him break a tackle for the first time in his 5 year career.

Quick Slants

Cedric Benson (aka Drinky McTwo-yards) was arrested last week on Drunk Boating charges. Benson uttered these cryptic words saying "once again I'll rise to the occassion." Whether that "occassion" will be another drunken foray on his boat or getting out of bed to collect his oversized paycheck, I'm unsure at this time.

Speaking of dumbass things to say, Jerry Angelo (when talking about the Benson situation) stated:''It was a lapse in judgment." And if anyone should know about a "lapse in judgement" it would be a general manager who spent a 4th overall pick and millions of dollars on a guy with character issues, no work ethic, a lack of heart that would make the tin-man faint, and no discernible skills either socially or athletically.

As it came as no surprise to anyone, Adam Archuleta was cut on May 6th. Archuleta set the plight of white safeties back 20 years after signing the largest free-agent contract in NFL history at the position. In yet another brilliant defensive move by Lovie Smith, he lobbied for Archuleta just like when Archuleta was ready to sign that huge deal. This experiment turned out with the same success that has been met with firing Ron Rivera to let Bob Babich take over at defensive coordinator and letting Chris Harris go for a sack of magic beans.

Rookies say the darndest things: No, I'm not talking about 4 years ago when Cedric Benson said he'd be starting in place of Thomas Jones by week two ....we've all seen how that really unfolded. No, I am talking about 2nd-round pick RB Matt Forte who had this to say, "The quickest way to get on the field is to learn your pass protections. If you can block and protect the quarterback, then you can run your routes and catch the ball. It's really the fastest way to get on the field." You mean falling down at the initial point of attack after 2-yards isn't your primary responsibility on 3rd-down? Poor deluded kid, he'll catch on.

Brian Urlacher is at it again predicting he will sit out during mini-camp in protest of Chicago management not meeting his latest contract demands. The Bears offered an $18 million extension but Urlacher deemed it way too little. This from Ochy McBabyMamaDrama, the same guy who's skipped all voluntary workouts this offseason to lose out on a $50,000 workout bonus. In unrelated news, I am looking forward to my $900 tax stimulus check to help pay some of my son's $2,100 tuition for this year. Douchebag.

Robbie Gould finally got his contract extension making him the highest paid kicker in the NFL. Not bad for a guy who was working construction just a few years ago. Last seen, Joe Pa was doing Gould's yard work wearing an "I'm Robbie Gould's Bitch" t-shirt.

Something to Talk About

It started as rumblings but is quicly gaining ground. Cedric "Two yards and a cloud of bust" Benson may not be long in the Windy City. For a guy who should wear a mask and have Maurice Clarett ride shotgun every time he picks up his paycheck, this is long overdue. There are several schools of thought going about so I will try to summarize all of them.

First: Some believe Benson is not responding well to rehab. Should we be surprised that a guy whose work ethic rivals your brother-in-law who "can't find work" is having trouble putting in the hours to bounce back from a leg injury.

Second: Some believe rehab or not Benson is gone. Benson hasn't been able to pickup pass protection for the last 3 years; Forte comes into minicamp and the first thing he says he needs to do to make it to the field is pickup pass protection. The 2nd-string RB on any team has to be able to provide support for special teams. Benson can't block and he can't be a 3-down back (see Adrian Peterson). If Forte is worse than Benson, a step above Peterson, and picks up the pass protection ... Buh-bye Ced, don't let the blue and orange door hit ya in the ass on the way out.

Third: It's a combo of the two and Garret Wolfe. Wolfe was picked in the 3rd round last season and showed some flashes in the regular season as a change-of-pace back. Jerry Angelo isn't going to pull the plug on Wolfe after one year. Forte was drafted to be a feature back. Benson is not responding to rehab and wasn't very good on two healthy legs as it was.

Either way, it should be interesting. Here's to hoping that Forte is the real deal, and Wolfe evolves into a change-of-pace big play threat.

Coach hear our prayer.

2005 Draft: A Look Back

RD1#4 Cedric Benson RB Texas 5'10" 220#, 4.55 - Bust. Expected to lose his job to this year's 2nd round pick Matt Forte.
RD2#39 MarkBradley WR/RS Oklahoma 6'1" 201#, 4.43 - Projected #1 WR this season but has not stayed healthy as was the knock on him during college. Boom or bust heading into his 4th year.
RD4#106 Kyle Orton QB Purdue 6'3" 226#, 5.1 - Battling for the starting job at QB and has shown some flashes.
RD5#140 Airese Currie WR Clemson 5'10" 178#, 4.49 - Bust
RD6#181, Chris Harris SS/FS LA Monroe 6'1" 214#, 4.68 - Showed big game ability only to be traded for a sack of magic beans to Carolina.
RD7#220 Rodriques Wilson OLB/S South Carolina 6'2" 230# 4.6 - Still on the roster but can't sniff the field.

Draft Grade: D+ ... Two starters in the draft with Harris starting for another team.