Chicago dominated the Colts on Sunday night at the new Lucas Oil Field in Indianapolis. Considering oil companies have been fucking all of us six ways to Sunday, it was nice to see Chicago extract a little payback.
Peyton Manning, fresh off two knee surgeries in which his knee became infected - possibly from gay homosexual buttsecks (that's the DCODC unofficial word) - was ineffective in his fist start since last season. Manning showed rust and had his timing and rhythm upset all night from constant pressure up the middle by Chicago.
Speaking of pressure, it was reported that during the game, Rex Grossman tried to buy some nachos but put on the spot when asked "Cheese or Salsa?" he panicked, ran backwards 15 yards, fell down and strained his MCL.
Capatain Neckbeard guided the offense well but it was rookie RB Matt Forte who stole the show. On a 3rd and 6 at midfield, Forte made a cut and then out ran defensive player of the year Bob Sanders enroute to a 51-yard TD scamper. Welcome to the NFL Matt Forte!
In a related story, Cedric Benson saw the play and exclaimed "I can do that", stepped off his bar stool, slipped on the floor, and knocked himself out. He's expected to miss his shuffleboard league for the next 4-6 weeks recovering.
All of the preseason hand-wringing - for now - seems to be much ado about nothing. The starting defensive unit looked like the 2006 Bears as they outplayed, out-muscled, and generally dominated a Colt offense generally considered one of the best in the NFL. DE Adawale Ogunleye spent so much time in the Colts's backfield, at one point Manning mistakenly called for him to run a go-route ... probably the pain killers Peyton was on.
Greg Olsen and Desmond Clark looked like the best tandem of TEs in the league making big plays when called upon. The two are favorite targets of Kyle Orton and with good reason. With an average to below average receiving corp, these guys make everyone around them better ... especially their QB!
Talking heads around the league have already dismissed this as a fluke, an Indy implosion, Peyton Manning not ready, Bigfoot, cats and dogs living together ... and blah, blah, fricking blah. HOWEVER, the douchebag of the week award goes to:
CBS Sportsline Gregg (the extra G is for GAY!) Doyel who is such a student of the NFL and often referred to as the Dali Lama of the NFL (or was that the Jay Mariotti of Doucheville, I forget) when he pronounced without a doubt:
"I'm not sure what to make of the 2008 Chicago Bears, but I'm sure of this: They're not good enough to beat the Indianapolis Colts 29-13. Not in Chicago, and definitely not in Indianapolis. Not at brand new Lucas Oil Stadium or the forsaken RCA Dome or the even skanky patch of urban blight located between the two domes."
Gee Gregg, you're right! We should petition the league to have this game stricken from the record books. Have this blight on the NFL and this injustice to humanity white-washed. Cut the fingers from our scribes and cut the tongues out of our orators so such a game shall NEVER be remembered ... or we could just call it an Indy beat-down at the hands of a Chicago team that may be better than everyone expected and move on. But of course, you can't be the new Mariotti without whipping on the Bears, right Gregg?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment