Where do we go from here?

I hate to break the news to everyone but Chicago isn't making the playoffs this year. The team has more problems than solutions so now the unenviable task of cleaning up his own clusterfuck falls on the shoulders of Jerry Angelo. I of course want wholesale changes including the firing of Ted Phillips, Jerry Angelo, and Greg Gabriel. However, since that's not exactly a plan I guess I need to offer something up or quit my bitching.

This year:
1. Put Pace on the bench and get Chris Williams at LT. Williams is not a RT and will never be one. He was drafted to play LT and Pace is done. If Williams cannot do the job it's better to know that now and - if he sucks - see what we have in Omiyale because he's sure as shit not a guard.
2. Put Shaffer in at RT for evaluation. If he sucks, Lance Louis can use the reps. If they both suck then put Pace in. If all 3 suck then we know where we need to focus next FA period and draft.
3. Move Hester to the slot and let Knox and Bennett play. Knox has game-changing ability and keeping him off the field is galactically stupid. Bennett needs to be more consistent and show more to make it on the field next season.
4. Either put Manning at FS and leave him there or put him at Nickel and leave him there. Pick a fucking spot.
5. Put Briggs in the middle. A WLB's best attribute is usually his ability to get sideline to sideline and blitz the QB. Briggs can do the former, but sucks at the latter. Jamar Williams is a playmaker and could bring your best 2 LB's on the field.
6. Give Tim Shaw a shot at the revolving door at SLB. We're in evaluation period from here on out so why not give the kid a shot, he's hungry and has a nose for the ball.

Offseason
1. Cut Pace - he's old and done
2. Install Beekman as the starting center. Give Kreutz the option to stay on or be traded. Kreutz has deteriorated greatly over the last 2 years and is no longer needed as the offense's vocal leader now that Chicago has their franchise QB.
3. Make a decision on LT. Let Williams and Omiyale battle it out for the position.
4. Cut Craig Steltz. On a scheme that needs a pass defensing free safety, Chicago has a log-jam of run-stopping strong safeties.
5. End the Garret Wolfe experiment. I don't care what he does on ST he's just not good. That was a huge reach and waste of a 3rd-round pick.
6. If Urlacher is back and the rest did him good move him back to the middle and Briggs to WLB. This will put Williams back to the bench but we need to hold onto him. If Urlacher is in decline like he has been, then give him the option to stay on as backup or trade him.

7. Move Hester to slot permanently and get him back to returning kickoffs and punts. You have the most dangerous weapon football so USE HIM AT WHAT HE DOES BEST YOU ASSCLOWNS!

8. Trade Tommie Harris. I don't care if once traded he wins NFL Defensive Player of the Year. Allow me to paraphrase Mike Singletary in saying with Tommie you can't count on him, you can't play with him, you can't win with him.

9. Fire Ron Turner and find a competent (read experienced) offensive coordinator who can build his playbook around the franchise QB.

10. Fire Rod Marinelli. I keep hearing about how our guys are out of their gaps and that's why we're getting our asses handed to us on a weekly basis. Marinelli was brought in to fix the d-line and so far it looks like he's doing as good of job with it as he did with the Lions. Last year the d-line compiled 23.5 sacks. This year they are projected to get 24.6 sacks. Wow, that's some terrific turnaround there!
11. Waive bye-bye to Mark Anderson and Ogunleye. Don't get in a bidding war just let them go and take the compensatory pick(s) if they do anything next season.



Free Agents and Draft
When you talk about FA signings and the draft you need to have a fluid plan that can adjust accordingly based upon circumstances (e.g. bidding wars, susprise cuts, etc.). Here are the places Chicago needs to upgrade without delay:



1. Chicago NEEDS a veteran WR. When you look at the roster and it consists of a 2 converted DB's, a 2nd-year man who didn't get on the field his rookie year, and a rookie ... Well it's not very much of a stretch to realize Chicago is in dire need of a veteran WR to help Cutler. I would like to see Chicago make a play for one of these 4 guys:

A. Brandon Marshall of the Donkeys - The disgruntled WR wants out of Denver and maybe Chicago could get a nice "hometown discount" for reuniting him and Cutler - the guy who helped get him to those Pro Bowls.

B. Vincent Jackson of the Bolts - Big, fast, and smart. The guy is a nightmare to opposing defenses and would give Cutler a big, sure-handed target. Cutler is a fan of big receivers, let's get him what he needs.

C. Steve Breaston or Anquan Boldin of the Cardinals - Breaston is headed to free agency and the Cardinals will want to lock him up or send him packing. With the shenangians of Boldin this would prove a ripe time to pluck Breaston with a high offer or pluck Boldin if Arizona is committing to Breaston.



2. The Bears are also in need of a formidable free safety who can cover. Since Mike Brown, no one has come close to filling those shoes. I'd like to land one of these three guys:

A. Nick Collins of the Packers - Collins would have the benefit of knowing his opposition quite well and we get the added bonus of screwing the Packers which always makes me smile.

B. Will Allen of the Bucs - Hey if we're going to be Tampa North, at least let's get one of their actual good players. If we can waste a fucking 2nd-round pick on Gaines Adams we could find a nice contract for Will Allen.

C. Josh Barrett of the Donkeys - Barrett fared well his rookie season after being called up from the practice squad due to injuries. Barrett (for those who remember admonishing Angelo for no getting him 2 drafts ago) is the prototype of a cover-2 free safety. This year, with the regime change, Barrett is struggling to get in at the Nickel position. A 2011 6th or 7th-round pick could entice a trade.



3. Find a pass rusher. This team needs someone who can rush the passer. I love Alex Brown but he's a solid, all-around player. We need someone to put opposite of him that can be a disruptive force on opposing QB's. Ogunleye and Anderson will both be gone so it's either promote from within or take a look at these 3 guys:

A. Aaron Kampman of the Cheesedicks - Kampman finds himself in a new 3-4 scheme and his 2.5 sacks this season will not be sending him back to Honolulu. Kampman is a natural fit in a 4-3 and would a great rush end for Chciago. Also, with the down year he's coming off, he could be had at a reasonable contract price one would hope.

B. Julius Peppers of the Panthers - At 29 he's still performing at a high level. You have to admit the freak is a presence on pass rushing situations. Rotating him with Izzy to spell the guy would be a great idea as well.
C. Elvis Dumervil of the Donkeys - Has proven to be a force in both 4-3 and 3-4 defenses. He'll command big bucks but he's worth every penny.


4. Upgrade the offensive line. An offensive lineman can be found in the later rounds but here are 3 guys up for free agency that could help immediately. I would like to see Chicago land one of these three:
A. RT Winston Justice of the Iggles - Watched him at USC and he's as solid as they come at the right tackle position.
B. LG Logan Mankins of the 18-1's - Agile and can both run and pass block. Mankins would be an intant upgrade for Cutler's blind side.
C. RG Jahri Evans of the Saints - Evans will more than likely get a long-term deal so it's a bit of a reach. But the guy is a beast.

With these free agent targets we turn toward the draft. I believe that realistically you can find at least 2 free agents on the list of 17. From there the draft has to be to plug the places that you missed. I always feel that o-lineman can be found in the later rounds and luckily we at least have some high 3rd-5th round picks. If Chicago ignores all of the FA's please let them address the veteran WR. We cannot have inexperienced guys like this and a lack of a #1 or even #2 when we finally have a franchise QB. I guess we will see what happens in the coming months but I am not going to hold my breath. Will you?

Neckbeard calls Cuntler

NB: Jay? What's going on you fuck suck! It's me, Capt. fucking comeback neckbeard motherfucker!!!
JC: Hey Kyle (sulking) ... Stuff sucks. You see the game?
NB: Oh did I? I kept rubbig my taint on the fucking tv! I used to ass-rape those packer fags, guess you don't have the gun I got. Did you see my td to win it?
JC: Yeah that was really good. Stokley really is a good receiver.
NB: Stokley!? Are you shiatting me? That was capt. neckbeard ... I fucking threw that 25 yard bomb man, I've never seen a pass so pretty! Fucking just like I drew it up ... Let it hang in the air for a good 25-30 seconds and get tipped to the white guy. FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
JC: Well good call Kyle. Way to go. (cuts himself)
NB: You're damn right. That's the way I roll ... The neckbeard knows how the fuck to win a game. Lull them to sleep with the 5 yared passes and then BOOOMMMM MOTHERFUCKERS here's a 25 yarder! You didn't expect that did ya biatches!!! I can float it like a fucking A & W!!! Ain't nobody but my receivers are expecting the 25 yard hot air balloon!!! (swigs half a bottle of Jack, tongue kisses solid 5 of 10 scale skank)
JC: (takes big scoop of Ben and Jerry's Hubby Hubby)
NB: So ... you're just gonna sit there and eat ice cream and sulk aren't ya?
JC: (swallows hard) no.
NB: Bullshit. C'mon Jay you gotta get with the Neckbeard philosophy. You know what that is?
JC: Um ... drink lots of Jack Daniels and fuck nothing but skanks?
NB: SEE! YOU SEE MOTHERFUCKER!! You WERE listening! Buck up sulker and put down the Ben and Jerry's. Go out fuck a skank. Drink some jack and remember ...
JC: Yeah, yeah I know. Rex Grossman's a cock fuck.
NB: HAHA, you're my boy Jay (chugs rest of Jack, flashes cock to three-toothed 40-year old at end of bar) Talk to ya next week sulk boy!!

Mike Mulligan wants to give Rashied Davis medal for trying, roster spot

If you can read this love-fest\man-crush that Mully has for Rashied Davis click here otherwise I'll give you the gist.

All Rashied Davis has needed is an opportunity. You suspect if the Bears just give him one now, a legitimate chance to make the roster, they'll be delighted with the results.
Yes, that's exactly what they need. A 30-year old wide receiver coming off a season where he put up career numbers and was still the weakest link in a receiving corp that was god-awful.

You remember Davis. He's the cornerback-turned-receiver who helped the Bears get to the Super Bowl, catching a game-winning touchdown against the Minnesota Vikings in Week 3 of the 2006 season and making a clutch third-down conversion to set up Robbie Gould's game-winning field goal in overtime against the Seattle Seahawks in the playoffs.
Yeah, and I remember Rex Grossman was the guy that made those throws ... where's he nowadays?

He's the guy who didn't play high school football but wound up using a junior-college stop to earn his way to San Jose State. He's the guy who put in four bloody years with the San Jose SaberCats of the Arena Football League to get a shot with the Bears. He's the guy who took a leave of absence from a job at Best Buy so he'd have employment to fall back on when he first joined the Bears in 2005.
I hear Best Buy is hiring!

Davis also is the guy with the most experience among Bears receivers -- yet he isn't one of the seven who has caught a pass from Jay Cutler this preseason.
74 catches in 4 seasons, how will the Bears EVAR replace that?!?

The greatest NFL fairy tale remains the inspirational story of Kurt Warner going from stock boy at the Hy-Vee grocery store to Super Bowl MVP.
I thought it was when Warner drew a picture of Jesus ...

But Davis has a unique history, too. He is a 5-9, 187-pound former bouncer who proved tough enough to control rowdy crowds while subsidizing his time as an Arena Football player.
Which is great if Capt. Neckbeard was still stumbling around with his bottle of Jack but Rashied's services are no longer needed.

All of which makes his lack of playing time this preseason difficult to figure.
If you're a mouth-breathing fucktard like Mully.

Will this be the week he gets a chance to play with Cutler and thereby an opportunity to keep his job?
Will this be the week that Mully finds his first clue? Will Hanley beat him with a tac hammer after he reads this?

''Would I like more reps? Yes, I would. That's all I have to say,'' Davis said, begrudgingly completing an interview after the Bears' 17-3 victory over the New York Giants on Saturday.
Like my dad says, "shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which gets filled the fastest." Actually this may be the most apt metaphor for what I think of Rashied Davis's hands.

Davis caught one pass from backup quarterback Caleb Hanie in the Giants game after catching two the week before at Buffalo. It's not the production he would have hoped for, but typically he made the best of his opportunity by standing out on special teams.
So a 30-year old, 74 catch receiver who can "stand out" on special teams. I mean, that is a rare fucking quality! Jesus, why haven't we signed this guy to Elicha Manning fucking money?!?

Still, it has to be unsettling to Davis that he's being judged on previous work instead of being given a chance to build a chemistry with Cutler, especially considering the Bears are in a numbers crunch at receiver.
Yes, because judging him on his previous work to get to the NFL should outweigh his shitty 4 seasons with the Bears. Mully should be a fucking AIG fund manager ... Hey this guy worked really hard to get here but he totally sucks HOWEVER the government just gave us a bunch of free money so let's see what he can do with it and completely ignore his previous body of work!

Tall receivers Brandon Rideau and Devin Aromashodu have been Cutler's favorite targets during spots in training camp. Aromashodu made a spectacular diving catch Saturday to set up a touchdown pass to Desmond Clark. That will help him a ton, but it also begs the question of whether Davis, Rideau, Iglesias or Knox would have made the same play if given the chance.
Who knows? You know what you answered your own fucking question. Cutler likes tall receivers. Davis is short. It's so unfair!!!

Davis hasn't lost repetitions only to the taller guys. In some formations in practice, Hester and tight end Greg Olsen have been split wide with Bennett in the slot -- a natural position for Davis.
Yeah because God knows that putting Bennett in the slot while creating mismatches outside is a fucking crime against football. Jesus, a sportswriter\talk-jock cannot be that fucking dumb ... oh wait HE FUCKING IS!

All he needs is a chance, and frankly, he deserves one.
Clearly based upon your article that told us: he's not been very good in the past, the franchise QB likes tall receivers, and Davis hasn't done much even against 2's and 3's in the preseason. If that's not cause for "DESERVING" a chance I don't know what is.

Can someone cockpunch this idiot the next time he does a remote? Anyone? Please?