Brad Biggs Blog Fun

For those of you who post regularly at Biggsy's blog this will make (some) sense ... For the rest ... just write it off ...

(Deep in the heart of NeckBeardSucks's mom's basement)
NBS: Gentleman, welcome to my (finger quotes) Command Center. I tried to find a hollowed out volcano but my allowance is only $10 a week.
Da Clown: Dude your mom is hot!
Crap-ton: Yeah hawt lyke creyton in a pink thonge hawt!!!
NBS: THat's kinda creepy Crap-ton, I'll just pretend I didn't hear that. Gentleman, as I have said ..
Da Clown: You know who sucks? Da Coach. That guy's such a jerk. He thinks he knows everything. Maybe he should spend more time with his kids then talking about football.
Crap-ton: Yeaa I haet him two. Wat a stoopid looser! I bett him and Creyton have gay sex all the time (pauses longingly) Do you have a bathroom down here?
NBS: Gentleman please focus. When we are done, there will be no more Creighton, no more Da Coach, and NeckbeardSucks will be known throughout the internets!!!
Da Clown: But how we gonna do that?
NBS: Two words: "pre-emptive strike". Do any of you dummies know what pre-emptive means?
Da Clown: Is that like premature ejaculation?
NBS: In your cases ... that is PRECISELY it ... You see gentleman in every thread we shall post. We shall beat Creighton and Da Coach to the punch EVERY TIME. Soon, they will have nothing to do but contradict us. And then, we shall expose THEM as trolls who follow US around. It's the perfect plan. And once we DOMINATE the Brad Biggs blog ... we will set our sights on the ENTIRE INTERNETS!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
NBS's Mom: Pooky are you down there?
NBS: MOM!?! I told you we're busy and you didn't even use the secret password!
Mom: I'm sorry chunky monkey do your little friends want some licorice and grape soda?
NBS: Darn it mom this is supposed to be a secret meeting in our COMMAND CENTER!
(Da Clown and Crap-ton look incredulously at NBS)
Da Clown: Dude.
Crap-ton: Dood!
NBS: (sigh) Fine ... YEAH MOM WE WANT SOME LICORICE AND GRAPE SODA.
Mom: Okey dokey pooky.
NBS: MOM … IT'S COMMANDER or CAPTAIN!
Mom: Whatever you say sugar plum!
Da Clown: WHy don't we just go and kick their ass on the blog or in person! We could do that. There's like five of us to their (thinks .... shrugs) one ... point ... four........ niner?
NBS: Well there are two reasons. First, do you know how they say if you give 1000 monkeys typewriters they could eventually re-create the works of Shakespeare?
(Da Clown looks puzzled ... Crap-ton scratches butt sniffs finger)
NBS: I guess it doesn't matter. The point is we could give a retarded monkey one typewriter and 5 minutes and he'd probably make you both look foolish.
(Da Clown and Crap-ton nod heads in agreement)
NBS: And the second reason, Crap-ton with your obvious gender-confusion and Da Clown ... well how can I put this delicately Clown ... you look like something I'd draw with my left hand. We don't want you guys coming out from behind the internet. No, this is the best way.
Da Clown: But how we gonna do it? I mean Da Coach is a dumb jerkwad punk who likes to beat children and puppies but couldn't he catch on? Figure out what you're up to?
NBS: Have you ever seen the usual Suspects?
(Da Clown and Crap-ton look puzzled)
NBS: Fine! Have you ever seen He-Man?
Da Clown and Crap-ton: (in unison) Yeah, yeah we love He-Man!
NBS: Well, I'm like Adam. No one suspects me.
Da Clown and Crap-ton: (in unison, crossing boners) BY THE POWER OF GRAY SKULL!!!
NBS: Yeaaaah ... that's, that's super.
Crap-ton: Oh kae sew wat doo wee duue?
Da Clown: Yeah, what?
NBS: Well that's the easy part. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep emulating them. Crap-ton, keep writing incoherent drivel and misspell lots of words.
Crap-ton: (wipes nose on sleeve, licks sleeve) Eye cann doo thaat noe problm!!!
NBS: Excellent. And Da Clown. Keep using lots of ellipses and pepper in the word "farktard".
(Da Clown raises hand)
NBS: Yes what is it?
Da Clown: Well ... I don't know what an … an … an e-lip-tick-all is and still don't know what a farktard is.
NBS: (exhales deeply) An ELLIPSIS is 3 periods in a row DOT-DOT-DOT ... And just use the word "farktard". Like I could say "The farktard raised his farktard hand and asked a farktard question!"
Da Clown: (brightens) Oh I can definitely do that!
NBS: Then it is settled. Tomorrow we take the first step into ... HISTORY!!!
Crap-ton: Ooo thiss iz ganna bee soooooo kewl! Doe yoo thinkc, u no, once we’ve takan ovar the internets ... Due u think Creyton will bee depresssed enuff to let me pee on him?