Thursday, May 29, 2008

Brian Urlacher Will Report to Mandatory Camp

Most major news outlets are reporting that despite all of the threats from Urlacher, he will report tomorrow to mandatory minicamp this weekend. Some could say Chicago finally came to their senses and is willing to renegotiate his contract. Others may say it's a sign Brian wants to be a Bear for life.

We say: if Urlacher did not report he'd be in violation of his current contract and would run the risk of paying back nearly $6 million of his signing bonus. His agents have helped create this public relations clusterfuck. Urlacher has lost.

Chicago has an $18 million re-working of his contract on the table with $5 million in garaunteed money. Look for Urlacher to re-up soon with this because he played chicken and lost ... Now if he plays chicken again, Bear management could easily take this generous offer off the table.

If his agent wants to represent another big-time athlete or even some single-A ballplayer from Minonka, he better have Urlacher sign this deal and put a big "I'm about the game and the fans" spin on it when he does. Done deal.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Questions from Around the Web

Who do you think is going to be the Bears' biggest competition to win the NFC North?
If by competition you mean "hinderance" I would say the frontrunner is Jerry Angelo followed closely by Lovie Smith. If you mean which team, I'd have to say all of them and none of them. They also are their own worst enemies: If the porn-stachio'd Aaron Rodgers can't cut muster in his first year as a starter, Green Bay will fold like a lawn chair. They were already decimated in the NFC title game and will have a long road back. In Minnesota (who beat Chicago twice last year), they have Purple Jesus, some big-name free agents, and a quarterback who makes Henry Burris look good. In Detroit, two words: Matt Fucking Clueless Millen.

Now that you have seen the Bears draft and their 2008 roster, what positions do you view as being the strongest and weakest in terms of personnel?
Offense and Defensive Coordinator = weak. General management = weak. Coaching = below average. The tight end, defensive end, and cornerback positions are rock solid. In general though the team is weak until further information comes in. Who's going to play safety? Can Urlacher's back hold up? Can Tommie Harris stay healthy and can someone actually start next to him? Who's going to man the o-line this year? Can Matt Forte make it at this level because we all know Drinky McTwo-yards cannot. Who's going to catch the ball and who the hell will be throwing it? My money is on Capt. Neckbeard over the Sex Cannon but I guess we'll see.

Do you think the Bears will go with one of the two undrafted rookies they recently signed as their third quarterback this season or will they try to add a veteran that's cut by another team?
The problem is there are really no good veterans worth adding at #3 even. If they wanted a veteran, they should have signed one early in the offseason and made a 3-way competition heading into camp. No, I believe Caleb Hanie will be the #3 heading into this season.

Cedric Benson was arrested and charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest. What should the Bears do?
The Bears are going to move Drinky McTwo-yards into a houseboat off Lake Michigan. On game days, Benson will have his choice of alcohols before and during the game. Sure playing drunk may have it's disadvantages but apparently the key to getting Benson to "resist" anything (aside from his inability to "resist" falling down) can't be all bad. Who knows, maybe we'll get to see him break a tackle for the first time in his 5 year career.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Quick Slants

Cedric Benson (aka Drinky McTwo-yards) was arrested last week on Drunk Boating charges. Benson uttered these cryptic words saying "once again I'll rise to the occassion." Whether that "occassion" will be another drunken foray on his boat or getting out of bed to collect his oversized paycheck, I'm unsure at this time.

Speaking of dumbass things to say, Jerry Angelo (when talking about the Benson situation) stated:''It was a lapse in judgment." And if anyone should know about a "lapse in judgement" it would be a general manager who spent a 4th overall pick and millions of dollars on a guy with character issues, no work ethic, a lack of heart that would make the tin-man faint, and no discernible skills either socially or athletically.

As it came as no surprise to anyone, Adam Archuleta was cut on May 6th. Archuleta set the plight of white safeties back 20 years after signing the largest free-agent contract in NFL history at the position. In yet another brilliant defensive move by Lovie Smith, he lobbied for Archuleta just like when Archuleta was ready to sign that huge deal. This experiment turned out with the same success that has been met with firing Ron Rivera to let Bob Babich take over at defensive coordinator and letting Chris Harris go for a sack of magic beans.

Rookies say the darndest things: No, I'm not talking about 4 years ago when Cedric Benson said he'd be starting in place of Thomas Jones by week two ....we've all seen how that really unfolded. No, I am talking about 2nd-round pick RB Matt Forte who had this to say, "The quickest way to get on the field is to learn your pass protections. If you can block and protect the quarterback, then you can run your routes and catch the ball. It's really the fastest way to get on the field." You mean falling down at the initial point of attack after 2-yards isn't your primary responsibility on 3rd-down? Poor deluded kid, he'll catch on.

Brian Urlacher is at it again predicting he will sit out during mini-camp in protest of Chicago management not meeting his latest contract demands. The Bears offered an $18 million extension but Urlacher deemed it way too little. This from Ochy McBabyMamaDrama, the same guy who's skipped all voluntary workouts this offseason to lose out on a $50,000 workout bonus. In unrelated news, I am looking forward to my $900 tax stimulus check to help pay some of my son's $2,100 tuition for this year. Douchebag.

Robbie Gould finally got his contract extension making him the highest paid kicker in the NFL. Not bad for a guy who was working construction just a few years ago. Last seen, Joe Pa was doing Gould's yard work wearing an "I'm Robbie Gould's Bitch" t-shirt.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Something to Talk About

It started as rumblings but is quicly gaining ground. Cedric "Two yards and a cloud of bust" Benson may not be long in the Windy City. For a guy who should wear a mask and have Maurice Clarett ride shotgun every time he picks up his paycheck, this is long overdue. There are several schools of thought going about so I will try to summarize all of them.

First: Some believe Benson is not responding well to rehab. Should we be surprised that a guy whose work ethic rivals your brother-in-law who "can't find work" is having trouble putting in the hours to bounce back from a leg injury.

Second: Some believe rehab or not Benson is gone. Benson hasn't been able to pickup pass protection for the last 3 years; Forte comes into minicamp and the first thing he says he needs to do to make it to the field is pickup pass protection. The 2nd-string RB on any team has to be able to provide support for special teams. Benson can't block and he can't be a 3-down back (see Adrian Peterson). If Forte is worse than Benson, a step above Peterson, and picks up the pass protection ... Buh-bye Ced, don't let the blue and orange door hit ya in the ass on the way out.

Third: It's a combo of the two and Garret Wolfe. Wolfe was picked in the 3rd round last season and showed some flashes in the regular season as a change-of-pace back. Jerry Angelo isn't going to pull the plug on Wolfe after one year. Forte was drafted to be a feature back. Benson is not responding to rehab and wasn't very good on two healthy legs as it was.

Either way, it should be interesting. Here's to hoping that Forte is the real deal, and Wolfe evolves into a change-of-pace big play threat.

Coach hear our prayer.