Who ya got on Gameday? - Part 2

With the 3rd preseason game over with, here is what I project Chicago to do heading into their first game against the Cheesedicks on September 13th:

Offense - 25

Quarterbacks(2)
J. Cutler
C. Hanie

Running Backs(4)
M. Forte
K. Jones
A. Peterson
G. Wolfe

Fullbacks(1)
J. McKie

Wide Receivers(6)
D. Hester (returner)
E. Bennett
Iglesias
Knox
Aromashodu
Rideau

Tight Ends(3)
G. Olsen
D. Clark
K. Davis

Tackles(4)
C. Williams
O. Pace
Shaffer
Balogh

Guards(4)
R. Garza
J. Beekman (can play center)
Omiyale (can play tackle)
Buening

Center(1)
O. Kreutz

Defense - 25

Defensive Ends(5)
A. Ogunleye
A. Brown
M. Anderson
I. Idonije (can play DT)
Melton

Defensive Tackles(4)
T. Harris
A. Adams
J. Gilbert
M. Harrison

Linebackers(7)
B. Urlacher
L. Briggs
P. Tinoisanamo
J. Williams
N. Roach
Malast
D. McClover

Cornerbacks(5)
C. Tillman
N. Vasher
T. McBride
Z. Bowman
C. Graham (can play safety)

Safeties(4)
C. Steltz
K. Payne
A. Alfalava
D. Manning (can play nickel)

Special Teams - 3

Long Snapper(1)
P. Mannelly

Kicker(1)
R. Gould

Punter(1)
B. Maynard

Mike Mulligan wants to give Rashied Davis medal for trying, roster spot

If you can read this love-fest\man-crush that Mully has for Rashied Davis click here otherwise I'll give you the gist.

All Rashied Davis has needed is an opportunity. You suspect if the Bears just give him one now, a legitimate chance to make the roster, they'll be delighted with the results.
Yes, that's exactly what they need. A 30-year old wide receiver coming off a season where he put up career numbers and was still the weakest link in a receiving corp that was god-awful.

You remember Davis. He's the cornerback-turned-receiver who helped the Bears get to the Super Bowl, catching a game-winning touchdown against the Minnesota Vikings in Week 3 of the 2006 season and making a clutch third-down conversion to set up Robbie Gould's game-winning field goal in overtime against the Seattle Seahawks in the playoffs.
Yeah, and I remember Rex Grossman was the guy that made those throws ... where's he nowadays?

He's the guy who didn't play high school football but wound up using a junior-college stop to earn his way to San Jose State. He's the guy who put in four bloody years with the San Jose SaberCats of the Arena Football League to get a shot with the Bears. He's the guy who took a leave of absence from a job at Best Buy so he'd have employment to fall back on when he first joined the Bears in 2005.
I hear Best Buy is hiring!

Davis also is the guy with the most experience among Bears receivers -- yet he isn't one of the seven who has caught a pass from Jay Cutler this preseason.
74 catches in 4 seasons, how will the Bears EVAR replace that?!?

The greatest NFL fairy tale remains the inspirational story of Kurt Warner going from stock boy at the Hy-Vee grocery store to Super Bowl MVP.
I thought it was when Warner drew a picture of Jesus ...

But Davis has a unique history, too. He is a 5-9, 187-pound former bouncer who proved tough enough to control rowdy crowds while subsidizing his time as an Arena Football player.
Which is great if Capt. Neckbeard was still stumbling around with his bottle of Jack but Rashied's services are no longer needed.

All of which makes his lack of playing time this preseason difficult to figure.
If you're a mouth-breathing fucktard like Mully.

Will this be the week he gets a chance to play with Cutler and thereby an opportunity to keep his job?
Will this be the week that Mully finds his first clue? Will Hanley beat him with a tac hammer after he reads this?

''Would I like more reps? Yes, I would. That's all I have to say,'' Davis said, begrudgingly completing an interview after the Bears' 17-3 victory over the New York Giants on Saturday.
Like my dad says, "shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which gets filled the fastest." Actually this may be the most apt metaphor for what I think of Rashied Davis's hands.

Davis caught one pass from backup quarterback Caleb Hanie in the Giants game after catching two the week before at Buffalo. It's not the production he would have hoped for, but typically he made the best of his opportunity by standing out on special teams.
So a 30-year old, 74 catch receiver who can "stand out" on special teams. I mean, that is a rare fucking quality! Jesus, why haven't we signed this guy to Elicha Manning fucking money?!?

Still, it has to be unsettling to Davis that he's being judged on previous work instead of being given a chance to build a chemistry with Cutler, especially considering the Bears are in a numbers crunch at receiver.
Yes, because judging him on his previous work to get to the NFL should outweigh his shitty 4 seasons with the Bears. Mully should be a fucking AIG fund manager ... Hey this guy worked really hard to get here but he totally sucks HOWEVER the government just gave us a bunch of free money so let's see what he can do with it and completely ignore his previous body of work!

Tall receivers Brandon Rideau and Devin Aromashodu have been Cutler's favorite targets during spots in training camp. Aromashodu made a spectacular diving catch Saturday to set up a touchdown pass to Desmond Clark. That will help him a ton, but it also begs the question of whether Davis, Rideau, Iglesias or Knox would have made the same play if given the chance.
Who knows? You know what you answered your own fucking question. Cutler likes tall receivers. Davis is short. It's so unfair!!!

Davis hasn't lost repetitions only to the taller guys. In some formations in practice, Hester and tight end Greg Olsen have been split wide with Bennett in the slot -- a natural position for Davis.
Yeah because God knows that putting Bennett in the slot while creating mismatches outside is a fucking crime against football. Jesus, a sportswriter\talk-jock cannot be that fucking dumb ... oh wait HE FUCKING IS!

All he needs is a chance, and frankly, he deserves one.
Clearly based upon your article that told us: he's not been very good in the past, the franchise QB likes tall receivers, and Davis hasn't done much even against 2's and 3's in the preseason. If that's not cause for "DESERVING" a chance I don't know what is.

Can someone cockpunch this idiot the next time he does a remote? Anyone? Please?

Who ya got on Game Day? - Part 1

On July 8th I sent myself an e-mail with my projected roster for opening day. With preseason winding down, I am ready to take another stab at it and will in part 2 of what I call "Who ya got on Game Day?" Back on the 8th, this is how I felt Chicago would shake out and go into Cheeseland for their Sunday night throwdown. After Saturday's game, expect Part 2 where I'll have my revised edition, but until then:

Offense - 26
Quarterbacks(3)
J. Cutler
C. Hanie
B. Basanez

Running Backs(3)
M. Forte
K. Jones
G. Wolfe

Fullbacks(1)
W. Ta'ufo'ou

Wide Receivers(6)
D. Hester (returner)
E. Bennett
Iglesias
Knox
Rideau
Davis

Tight Ends(4)
G. Olsen
D. Clark
K. Davis
M. Gaines

Tackles(4)
C. Williams
O. Pace
Shaffer
Balogh

Guards(4)
R. Garza
J. Beekman (can play center)
Omiyale (can play tackle)
Buening

Center(1)
O. Kreutz

Defense - 24
Defensive Ends(5)
A. Ogunleye
A. Brown
M. Anderson
I. Idonije (can play DT)
Melton

Defensive Tackles(4)
T. Harris
A. Adams
J. Gilbert
M. Harrison

Linebackers(6)
B. Urlacher
L. Briggs
P. Tinoisanamo
J. Williams
Freeman

Cornerbacks(5)
C. Tillman
N. Vasher
T. McBride
Bowman
Moore

Safeties(4)
C. Steltz
K. Payne
C. Graham (can play corner)
D. Manning (can play corner, returner)

Special Teams - 3
Long Snapper(1)
P. Mannelly

Kicker(1)
R. Gould

Punter(1)
B. Maynard

Jerry Angelo Unplugged with Larry Mayer

Jerry Angelo sits down with Larry Mayer (read it here) in a hard-hitting interview for ChicagoBears.com. Since this is all company line BS let's just throw aside Jerry's answers and give the real ones:

A lot has been written and said about the Bears’ No. 1 offense being out of sync in the preseason opener in Buffalo. What were your impressions of how the unit performed and how concerned are you moving forward?
Well first we have a pussy as our franchise QB. Seems like kinda stupid to me that I went out and got a guy I thought was a future hall of famer and he's a pussy. I mean, Brian Urlacher has stared down the abyss known as the Paris Hilton gash so if anyone has the right to call another man a pussy, it's Url. Second, we have a guy I just paid to be our #1 wide receiver playing like a retarded monkey, fucking a retarded football thrown by a fucking pussy. So yeah, I have some cause for concern but thanks for asking Larry, you cock.

What would you like to see from the first-team offense Saturday night against the Giants?
I'll be happy if they don't just shiat themselves and curl up into fetal positions. Really, right now I think the Terry Shea fiasco may end up looking like the golden era of Bear offense. Seriously, against the Giants? How about we see our offensive line sustain a block for longer than a gnat's dick and maybe our two overpaid, overhyped players actually do their jobs. If not, can I at least implore Olin Kreutz to punch out Ron Turner.

Did you have any problem with what Jay Cutler said about Devin Hester being "more of a go-get-it guy" and "not really a back-shoulder or jump up-and-get-it [guy]" after throwing an interception in Buffalo?
Do you actually come up with these questions on the spot or do you pre-pull them out of your ass? Really Mayer I see why you're such a snivelling little suck cunt. You have all the journalistic instincts of a comatose Dr. Z. I swear my dog farts more fucking coherent sounds than you make out of your gurgling fucking pie hole!

How would you assess how the defense performed against the Bills; what impressed you and where would you like to see improvement?
Are you shiatting me? Hell the only push I saw out of the defensive line all night was when they raided the snack bar after the game. Jesus tap dancing christ on a cracker we should have installed a fucking wading pool at the line of scrimmage for all the good those cock holes did. I guess what impresses me the most is Izzy adds weight last year and they use him oustide. This year he drops weight - like they ask - and they play him inside. What continually impresses me is I give these assholes great athletes like Izzy, Daneial, Devin etc. and they can't fucking screw them up fast enough. That's really fucking impressive to me! On top of that Lovie tells me we need Rod Marinelli to coach the d-line. Yeah, "oh-for-sixteen" Marinelli. I think this year our d-line may be the first team in history to actually record POSITIVE yards on sacks. Like: "hey that QB only picked up 4 yards on the scramble and that beats the hell out of the 7-10 yard slants he's been throwing all fucking day, so we'll count that as 1 sack for +4 yards." That kinda shit is what I'm expecting.

What are your thoughts on Brett Favre signing with the Minnesota Vikings?
Wow Larry do you really write these questions yourself or do you just copy off every other twat-waffle journalist in America? You know what I think about "The Brett", I think that attention-whoring, wrangler-wearing, country fucktard would do anything for fame. Hell, he'd bareback Ryan Seacrest on stage at American Idol just to get in the spotlight. Which is probably his backup plan for when his arm falls off and he's run out of Minnesota. That's what I think. Do you have any thoughts larry ... crickets? ... That's kinda what I thought. Go frame your fucking journalism GED and get me a coffee.

Pete Prisco doh'not like The Brett

I don't know what the world is coming to but this week I actually agreed with a Pete Prisco article basically saying that The Brett is an egomaniac trying to extend his glory days at the expense of his own legacy. Apparently Prisco got the by-line but the 10,000 monkeys writing the article should get full credit. Full article here.

"What do a nasty pimple, a pesky cockroach and Brett Favre all have in common?"
You've fellated two of the three and all you have to show for it is a nasty pimple?

"Favre? Nothing will keep him away. His ego is too great. When his body says no, and his game screams "Hell no!" he plays on."
Well "plays" isn't really an accurate word. More like chucks interceptions like escort service flyers on the Vegas Strip.

"Most of the national media will fawn over Favre's decision Tuesday to sign with the Minnesota Vikings, but I don't think it's a good move."
Giving 40-yo attention-whore $12 million when he's clearly well passed his prime, coming off shoulder surgery and an embarassing season is not a smart move? Do tell Pete!

"I keep hearing how Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels -- the two quarterbacks who were competing to be the starter until Favre so rudely interrupted training camp -- aren't in his class.
Well, Brett Favre isn't Brett Favre."
He's actually Barack Obama and until you show me his birth certificate I'm not budging on this one.

"Was every Favre fan and Favre-fawning writer blind drunk last season? Did they see the same quarterback I saw?"
Well, to be fair they WERE watching the Jets so I think that's a given.

"When Favre announced last month that he planned to stay retired, he said, "I didn't feel like physically I could play at a level that was acceptable."
Something changed in three weeks.
Training camp ended."
Ding-ding-ding-ding, looks like Pete found the CLUE TRAIN!

"Favre has never been a fan of offseason work and training camp. He likes staying on the tractor in Mississippi as long as he possibly can. That's why when he said he was staying retired last month, we all shook our heads and said the same thing.
Yeah, right. Why don't you think he was linked to a network for television work?"
Well besides the obvious? I mean, have you heard the guy speak? He makes Magic Johnson look downright lucid.

"He loves the spotlight and some players who have played with him in the past say his wife loves it even more. She's just Mrs. Favre, they say, when baling hay in the Wrangler jeans, but she's Brett Favre's wife when he plays."
Real. Comfortable. Attention-whores.

"There will be many who will say the Vikings are now the team to beat."
And many will say Da Church of Da Coach has the biggest schlong in 4 states but writing it on the internets doesn't automatically make it true (but it's damn fine rumor!)

"If the arm was such an issue, why didn't he sit down? If that's the excuse now, and we've heard it from the many in the media who drool at the site of his name on the back of a jersey, any jersey, didn't he do his team a disservice by playing through it?
If it's an excuse now, it was selfish then."
Well Pete how dare you!? That's just Brett being Brett. You know, playing through pain, tossing pick-6's like you toss butt darts at Clark Judge. You know how it is!

The Brett Arrives in Minnesota

(Inside Minnesota locker room present day, Favre walks in)
The Brett: Hey you beagle-fucker?
John David Booty: Um ... me?
TB: Yeah you douche-rific! Get over here!
JDB: Yes Mr. Favre.
TB: You better take off that #4 fucking jersey or I'll be all over you like gay on Brady Quinn. You got me you talentless Leinart cock taster?
JDB: ... But Mr. Favre I really would like to keep this number, but if you ...
TB: Are you giving me lip there John Can't Get Booty? I'm The Brett gol'dammit and I won't be taking any crap from nobody especially some cockgoblin 4th-string QB, younger than the pecker tracks on Deana's favorite John Deere hat. You savvy?
JDB: Yes Mr. Favre. (strips off jersey)
TB: Hey! Mr. Noodle! Get your bald ass in here and quit raping muppets!
Coach Childress: Yes Brett?
TB: It's not Brett. It's THE BRETT ... get that through your chrome dome and get it good. Now, where's MY office at?
Coach: Uhm well, usually the players have the locker room and coaches have an office but I could see ...
TB: Now just wait a minute there Hairlip Wonder, you mean to tell me The Brett has to play for the paltry $12 million you offered and I don't my own gol'damn office? You call upstairs to Zygote or Zagnut of whatever the fuck that kraut wants to be called and telll him the Brett don't fucking work like this, Not for all the land in Mississippi. You got me there Chrome-o-mite?
Coach: Well, gee the Brett I guess you can have my office. Plus I just got these pictures from our first preseason game. You can study them and see our alignments and those of the defenses. That way you'll get up to speed faster.
TB: That would be great you pecker with sideburns but the Brett don't need no fucking pictures. The Brett's a gunslinger. Book learnin' is for fucking faggots like Elicha Manning and his brother Sir-Chokes-A-Lotta-Dick. That ain't for the Brett!
Coach: Well the Brett maybe you could just take a look at them before practice. No pressure.
TB: I like you Coach Crotchless, so I tell you what. You get the boys ready for practice an ol' Brett's gonna head to his office and cdraw ocks in the mouths of all the guys I don't like. Thanks for the pictures ... (The Brett turns to leave but stops) ...
TB: You know what when it's time for practice send that no talent waste of a fuckrag T-Jack-Shit to come down and piggy-back my ass to the field ... No use for the Brett to waste energy in the preseason!