Monday, April 28, 2008

2005 Draft: A Look Back

RD1#4 Cedric Benson RB Texas 5'10" 220#, 4.55 - Bust. Expected to lose his job to this year's 2nd round pick Matt Forte.
RD2#39 MarkBradley WR/RS Oklahoma 6'1" 201#, 4.43 - Projected #1 WR this season but has not stayed healthy as was the knock on him during college. Boom or bust heading into his 4th year.
RD4#106 Kyle Orton QB Purdue 6'3" 226#, 5.1 - Battling for the starting job at QB and has shown some flashes.
RD5#140 Airese Currie WR Clemson 5'10" 178#, 4.49 - Bust
RD6#181, Chris Harris SS/FS LA Monroe 6'1" 214#, 4.68 - Showed big game ability only to be traded for a sack of magic beans to Carolina.
RD7#220 Rodriques Wilson OLB/S South Carolina 6'2" 230# 4.6 - Still on the roster but can't sniff the field.

Draft Grade: D+ ... Two starters in the draft with Harris starting for another team.

Draft Scenarios: Second Guessing

Here's how Chicago should have drafted:
1. Rashard Mendenhall RB
2. Brian Brohm QB
3. Early Doucet WR
3. Mario Manningham WR
4. Anthony Collins LT
5. Roy Schuening G
5. Johhn Sullivan C
7. Josh Barrett S
7. Erin Henderson OLB
7. Kirk Barton RT
7. Marcus Monk WR

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Draft Day Scenarios: Pick #70

Chicago with the 70th pick and here is who's available in order of who I like:

Early Doucet WR
Dan Connor OLB
Mario Manningham WR
Erin Henderson OLB
Pat Sims DT
Cliff Avril OLB
Earl Bennet WR
Xavier Adibi OLB
Andre Caldwell WR
DaJuan Morgan S

Draft Bits from Day 1

Keyshawn Johnson compares Matt Ryan replacing Mike Vick to replacing Dan Marino. You know if Dan Marino wasn't a hall of famer with a great record, millions of fans, and not in prison.

From Brad Biggs of Suntimes: "Mike Mayock of NFL Network reports that Vanderbilt
offensive tackle Chris Williams may be off draft boards for some teams because of a
``neck and cervix’’ injury. Williams was a model of durability during his college
career."
OMFGWTFBBQ! That is some fine reporting. Apparently we learned that WIlliams is not
only injured but he's also a bit of a pussy. A "cervix" injury? You may want to
check your sources. (Biggs did update his blog and thanked me for pointing out his misprint)

Chris Williams and his "cervix" will come to Chicago as Jerry Angelo did exactly what I predicted he would do: draft safe in the first round and then reach for a running back in round 2. In Brad Biggs's continuously updating blog, I hit it right on the head. Angelo continues to lead us down the path of mediocrity.

For those who want to question my moves: I would have selected Rashard Mendenhall with the 14th overall pick. Anthony Collins and Carl Nicks are still on the board as we head into Day 2 and either could have filled our need at tackle.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Draft Scenarios: Moving Back

With Jerry Angelo's track record, there is always the chance Chicago could move back in the draft if no one they have targeted is at #14 or if they have targeted someone(s) that could be available later in the round. Here are the best possible scenarios for moving back:

Philly moves up to #14 sending Chicago their 19th and 80th picks.
Washington moves up to #14 sending Chicago their 21st, 84th, and 96th picks.
Dallas moves up to #14 sending Chicago their 22nd, 61st, and 163rd picks.
Dallas (part 2) moves up to #14 sending Chicago their 28th, 61st, and 92nd pick.
Tennessee moves up to #14 sending Chicago their 24th and 54th picks.
And the least likely scenario ... San Francisco moving up sending Chicago their 29th and 39th picks for Chicago's 14th, 142nd, and 175th picks.

Just some scenarios to ponder heading into tomorrow.

Draft Scenarios: Targeted Picks Round #1, Pick 14

With the 14th overall pick, here is where the Bears should set their sites on April 26th. This is in order by preference, draft the highest rated player still on the board:

1. LT Ryan Clady - A solid LT who could start on opening day.
2. RB Rashard Mendenhall - A rare specimen of speed, power and game-breaking ability.
3. LT Chris Williams - A still-developing LT but definitely NFL-ready
4. OT Jeff Otah - Projects as a mauling RT with his huge size
5. OG Brendan Albert - Though some believe Albert could be a LT at the next level, that transition would take time. He'd be an opening day starter at Guard for any team.
6. LB Keither Rivers - The best LB in the draft and a possible need given Brian Urlacher's medical questions and Lance Briggs's attitude (and possible jail time).
7. QB Brian Brohm - If Matt Ryan is #1 in the draft, Brian Brohm is 1A. A solid QB with a good arm who could develop into a franchise quarterback in the NFL.
8. RB Johnathan Stewart - Coming back from turf-toe I do not like taking anyone who will be questionable heading into the season. That's why Brohm grades out ahead of Stewart.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Quick Slants

Chicago Sun Times reported that Brian Urlacher was in attendance to accept the Chicago Bear's Brian Picolo award. What the article failed to mention is that Urlacher actually shoved his hand up Jay Glazer's ass and had him give the acceptance speech.

Chicago is meeting at the last minute with Michigan State product Devin Thomas as a possibility at #14 overall. Matt Millen seen pointing, laughing while wearing his Charles Rodgers jersey.

Jerry Angelo told reports recently that he wants to get "at least three" starters out of Chicago's first 4 picks in the draft. The only thing standing in his way is instinct, talent evaluation, track record, and general management savvy. This guy coulcn't find three starters on a fucking menu at Applebee's.

With vountary workouts rolling around, the "no-fucking-shit" news is that Brian Urlacher has chosen to sun himself in Arizona rather than attend. This comes as no suprise as Urlacher has been vocal about his desire for a new contract. However, Lance Briggs who just got his new contract has been away. By skipping these voluntary sessions Briggs has already missed out on a $250,000 workout bonus. Another brilliant business move I am sure. Briggs defended his decision by saying he was attending to "family business" and some things were more important than money. Whether that business was attending to or fathering more illegitimate children Briggs did not specify.

The Brett Favre Revisionist History

I said I wouldn't write about it, but I just cannot help myself. The national fellation of Brett Fav-ruh has begun. Writers are tripping over themselves trying to out-do each other on who can make the biggest, douchiest statements and compare Fav-ruh to Michael Jordan, sliced bread, and the 2nd coming of Christ himself. Here's a look at revisionist history from this week:

Pete Prisco (CBS Sports): The Giants upset the Packers in the NFC Championship Game at Lambeau Field, denying Favre a chance at wining his third Super Bowl.
Actually this is the tip of the revisionist iceberg. I saw comments saying "Thanks for all the Super Bowls Brett!!!" That would be like me saying "Thanks for all the Super Bowls Rex!!!" It's been 11 years since Fav-ruh won his ONLY Super Bowl; "all those Super Bowls" means getting them two 2 in 1996 and 1997. He returned the following year to get trounced by Denver even as a 14.5-point favorite. The closest Green Bay would ever come again was this season when they lost the NFC Championship game at Lambeua as 12.5-point favorites.
You would think the Senior NFL Writer at Sportsline would know this ... but then you read Pete Prisco and realized the error in your assumption.

John Madden, scores of blogs, national articles, and countless polls: Brett Favre is the greatest quarterback ever!
Most of the rabid meatheads will spout all the records Favre has set while kinds omitting the obvious stuff like ... Since the 1997 Super Bowl, Fav-ruh has a 3-7 record in the playoffs and has several emabarassing post-season performances. The guy played 17 seasons as an iron-man, but has only one Super Bowl ring and more post-season failures than successes. Calling him the best ever is homre-ism at best.

Favre's Agent James "Bus" Cook: "Nobody pushed Bret Favre out the door, but then nobody encouraged him not to go out that door, either,"
Oh my god, they made Fav-ruh retire. You bastards!
Let's not forget that this guy was elevated to God-like status in Wisconsin and each of the last five years has held the organization over a barrel with the same "Will he retire, won't he retire" offseason. Let's also forget that Green Bay welcomed him back AGAIN this season even after 2005 and 2006 campaigns in which he posted some of the worst ratings of his life while compiling a 12-20 record.
To be honest, I would have encouraged Fav-ruh to retire before the 2007 if I were the GM. With young talent waiting in the wings and very little fan expectations, retirement would have better benefitted the Packers. With this last season and the way it ended in a decimating loss, Green Bay will likely struggle next season as they transition to a new quarterback and try to pickup the pieces from 2007. But don't tell that to Favre or Jame "throw the Packers organization under the Bus" Cook.

Mark Kriegel (Fox Sports): His accomplishments as a quarterback might be quantifiable, but his virtues are not. There's a reason Brett Favre is regarded as a kind of national treasure, that the affection directed his way violates all demographic suppositions, cutting across all the usual divides of race, class, sex and geography.
Really? Aside from the author, John Madden, and Peter King, Fav-ruh is a fucking national treasure? What demographics does he "cut accross"? Obese, middle-aged, white guys in Wisconsin is his core demographic. The only reason people revere him is for what he's done on the field. PERIOD. Do we really need to point out his shortcomings especially early in his career of being a bullheaded-douchebag and not a good teammate? Of course not, this is revisionist history. Those pesky drug and alcohol addictions need not be mentioned either.

Of course, I went out to a couple of message boards and decided to have some fun with the fans. Maybe it was when I pointed out Favre's lack of rings since he quit drinking and drugs, maybe it was when someone suggested a "suicide-watch" for Packer-nation and I told him "that would imply we want to stop them", or maybe it was just me being me. One passionate wordsmith had this to say:

"Hey shit-head, faggot Bear fuck! You're just jealous Brett Favre is better than any quarterback in history and if you say otherwise you're lying to yourself. The fucking Bears could combine Orton and Grossman together and they still wouldn't have the talent Favre has in his left nut! Even though the greatest QB ever retired (maybe) the Packers STILL made it to the NFC Championship this year and have the talent to go to the Super Bowl next season. Sleep well knowing that assfuck!!!"

I thought about several ways of answering this. I could point out Chicago has been to more Super Bowls in the past decade than Green Bay - with less-accomplished quarterbacks. I could point out that I may be a fag but at least I'm unfamiliar with the talent-level of my favorite QB's left nut. But I figured a picture was worth a thousand words (and maybe a couple more from the caption):


I sleep on a pile of discarded, unopened "2007 NFC Champion Green Bay Packer" memorabilia. The tears of Brett Favre make it more comfortable than it sounds!

Draft Scenarios: Clady vs. Mendenhall at #14?

Leading into Saturday's draft, we decided it would be a good idea to break down some scenarios in the 1st and 2nd round. If time allows, we'll also deal with the later rounds as well. First things first ...

Ryan Clady is a stud LT who could come in immediately and start for Chicago. Rashard Mendenhall is a phenomenal running back who could do the same. Granted, a hunchback with 5.5 speed could supplant Cedric "2-yards and a cloud of bust", but I digress. The odds are Ryan Clady does not drop this far, but if the scenario plays out ... We say pickup Clady. Picking up Clady would be two-fold boon to Chicago. First, he's a strong left tackle that could spell stability on that side of the line for years to come. Second, John Tait could move back to RT and possibly extend his career by at least a year. This would give Chicago solid bookends for the foreseeable future. Sure, Clady will struggle at times as a rookie, but that's why veterans like Olin Kreutz get paid the big bucks to help these young guys transition and know when to bail them out. Sure, I'd love the homerun threat Mendenhall, but Clady is the 2nd best OT on the board and after Sam Baker and Gosder Cherilus (both late 1st to early 2nd-round picks) the tackle positions drop off while there are still many good running backs on the board into the fourth round.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Brian Urlacher's New Contract Demands

Five years into his 9 year contract, Brian Urlacher is unhappy with the money he is making. Urlacher has said so much in words - or the words of doucheb-agent Drew Rosenhaus - and actions of skipping voluntary OTAs. This comes off a sub-par season where a 32 year old Urlacher was diagnosed with a degenarative condition in his lower back and offseason neck surgery. He also has 4 years left on his existing contract.

With guys like Devin Hester and Tommie Harris looking at long-term extensions, Urlacher is not going to find any new money in his pocket anytime soon. He might as well ask for a unicorn, three ponies, a sleigh ride from Santa, and fantastic voyage from Snoop Dogg. It's all pipe dreams unless he shows the Pro Bowl form of 2006 and proves that his neck and back are no longer problems.

In related news, I too would like a unicorn.

Go with Ditka.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Bill Parcells Teaches Turner and Babich about ABC

(Cubby Bear meetng room, coordinators and assistant coaches milling about when Bill Parcells enters with Lovie Smith)

Bill Parcells: Let me have your attention for a moment. 'Cause you're talkin' about what...you're talkin' 'bout...bitchin' about that season you just shot, some son of a bitch don't want to run hard in practice, somebody don't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth, let's talk about something important. Are they all here?

Lovie: All but Toub.

Parcells: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important.

(sees Turner pouring coffee)

Parcells: Put that coffee down. Coffee's for coaches only. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not fuckin' with you. I'm here from Halas hall. I'm here from Ted and Jerry. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Ron?

Turner: Yeah.

Parcells: You call yourself a coach, you son of a bitch.

Babich: I don't gotta listen to this shit.

Parcells: You certainly don't pal 'cause the good news is you're fired. The bad news is you got all you got, just one season to regain your job, starting with this season, starting with tonight's meeting. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this years bonuses. As you all know, first prize is the Lombardi Trophy. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a pat on the back for making it back to the Super Bowl you lost in 2006. Third prize is your fired. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got players. Ted and Jerry paid good money. Get their asses to work and put this team together. You can't coach the players you're given, you can't coach shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out.

Turner: The players are weak.

Parcells: The players are weak. The fuckin' players are weak? You're weak. I've been in coaching 30 years ...

Babich: What's your name?

Parcells: Fuck you, that's my name. You know why mister? Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove a fucking Escalade. That's my name.

(To Turner)

Parcells: And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't coach them? Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life. Get them to play in that game in February. You hear me you fuckin' faggots.

(Points to the dry erase board)

Parcells: ABC. A, Always, B, Be, C, Coaching. Always be coaching. Always be coaching. AIDA. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention. Do I have your attention? Interest. Are you interested? I know you are 'cause it's fuck or walk. You coach or you hit the bricks. Decision. Have you made your decision for Crisakes? And action. AIDA. Get out there. You got the prospects coming in, you think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk in here unless he wants to play fucking football. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their all. Are you going to take it? Are you man enough to take it?

(To Babich)

Parcells: What's the problem, pal?

Babich: You, boss, you're such a hero, you're so great, how come you're coming down here and wasting your time with such a bunch of bums?

Parcells: You see this ring? You see this Super Bowl ring?

Babich: Yeah.

Parcells: That ring costs more than your life. I've made 2 trips to the Super Bowl, how many you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father. Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You want to work here, coach. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cock-sucker. You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a daily basis from Chicago media. If you don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, the materials you got, make myself a playoff contender. Tonight. In two hours.

(looking at Turner)
Parcells: Can you?

(looking at Babich)
Parcells: Can you?

Parcells: Go and do likewise. Always Be Coaching. Get mad you son-of-a-bitch. Get mad. You know what it takes to coach in the NFL?

(whips out his frank and beans)
Parcells: It takes brass balls to coach in the NFL. Go and do likewise, gents. The Lombardi Trophy is out there, you pick it up, it's yours, you don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out tonight and figure out how to coach, coach, it's yours, if not, you're going to be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar: ''Oh yeah, I used to be a coach. It's a tough racket.''

(makes drinking gesture with his empty hands ... then pulls out a stack of index cards)
Parcells: These are the new draft prospects. These are the 2008 NFL draft prospects. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They're for coaches. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.

(To Babich)
Parcells: And to answer your question, pal: Why am I here? I came here because Ted and Jerry asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fuckin' ass because a loser is a loser.